IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that charity organizations should give aid to those who are in greater need, wherever they live. Other thinks that the organization should focus on assisting people in their own country instead. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

#people #charity #organizations #aid #organization #focus #country
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It is believed that in lieu of assisting other countries that need greater help, charity organizations ought to support their own nation's difficulty. The writer strongly argues that despite helping their own country might boost the economy, assisting others will lead to a stronger connection
as well as
 a solution for global issues. A stronger connective relationship is one of the primary keys
for
Change preposition
to
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 aiding foreign countries. To be specific, when wealthier nations start investing in other societies, it will not only help them to improve their economies but
also
 address many social problems
such
 as starvation or unemployment by supporting money and spending on expanding factories.
Consequently
, whether the supported provincial
overcomes
Change the verb form
overcome
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 their issues, there would be an appreciation which can bring an opposite help, meaning that they can cooperate together and assist each other to develop.
However
, there would a merit
of
Change preposition
in
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 promoting the charity's country if they concentrated on supporting their own hometown.
In other words
, concentrating on local aid fosters a sense of unity and solidarity within the community,which builds stronger relationships and trust among residents.
For instance
, community-driven projects,
such
 as neighbourhood clean-ups or local school funding, encourage participation and cooperation among community members. Another factor contributing to the belief that there should be no room for domestic investment is the way to solve global issues. Simply put, helping individuals in the most need, regardless of geographical boundaries, ensures a more equitable distribution of resources. Many crises,
such
 as natural disasters, pandemics, and extreme poverty, may be more severe in regions outside one's own country,
thus
 requiring international assistance.
Hence
, global aid helps foster international goodwill, cooperation, and understanding, strengthening global relationships. In conclusion, even though domestic spending can bring the advantage of economic boosting, international assistance will make a better relationship between the nations
along with
a
Correct article usage
apply
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result
for
Change preposition
in
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 addressing universal problems.
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task achievement
While your essay addresses both views and includes an opinion, ensure that each argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between points. Use transitional phrases and sentences to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Carefully proofread your essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Improving your grammar and syntax will make your arguments clearer and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced discussion of both views and offered your own opinion, which is essential for a high task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-developed, introducing the topic and summarizing your main points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • equitable distribution
  • international goodwill
  • global relationships
  • localized impact
  • logistical coordination
  • social cohesion
  • resource allocation
  • global challenges
  • immediate local needs
  • assessment criteria
  • domestic impact
  • geographical boundaries
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