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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below show the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two period.

The table below show the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two period.
#show #numbers #visitors #ashdown #museum #year #surveys #visit #two #period
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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table provides data on the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who
visted
Correct your spelling
visited
 a
meuseum
Correct your spelling
museum before
befor
Use synonyms
 and after its
redesigning
Replace the word
redesign
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,
while
Linking Words
 the pie charts illustrate the satisfaction of those visitors in both two
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
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 through surveys.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
totall
Correct your spelling
total
 number of visitors who visited the historical site after finishing its work
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 was more than that of went there
Use synonyms
befor
Correct your spelling
before
 the refurbishment.
Also
Linking Words
 the number of individuals who has the highest satisfaction rise from
Use synonyms
befor
Correct your spelling
before
 to after
he
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 work has been done.
According to
Linking Words
 the table, the population of visitors increased by 18,000
people
Use synonyms
 from 74,000 to 92,000. As
ot
Correct your spelling
it
 clear from the pie charts, the portion of very satisfied
people
Use synonyms
 rose about 20% from
Use synonyms
befor
Correct your spelling
before
 the redesigning work to after that and reached 35%.
In addition
Linking Words
, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 with lower satisfaction had
10
Correct article usage
a 10
show examples
% growth from 30% to 40%. the share of
people
Use synonyms
 who were both highly dissatisfied and weakly dissatisfied experienced a noticeable decline from 10% to 5% and from 40% to 15%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the constant 5% of
people
Use synonyms
 did not respond to the survey.
Submitted by z.rajabi on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, befor with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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