IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Education for young people is important in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education in adult populations who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.

Though education for young
people
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 is a must, there is an argument that government funds should be more focused on the education of aged ones with a lack of basic
literacy
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. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement because the illiterate adult population is lagging far behind the rest, and
this
Linking Words
 scenario is impacting their individual well-being which has a knock-on effect on the
overall
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 economy. I am going to elucidate the idea in the following paragraphs.
People
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 who cannot read and write encounter many difficulties in their lives. For employment opportunities, they can only do simple low-paid jobs and are unlikely to work for a business
due to
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 the lack of basic
skills
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 and certificates. Most companies today require candidates, even blue workers, to have at least a high school degree.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will not receive any insurance in case of sickness or pension when resigning. They would belong to the disadvantaged group who easily become jobless at any time, especially during an economic crisis. In their daily lives, the inability to read and write leads to their shortage of knowledge and information about the world. Illiterate
people
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 cannot stay updated with the current affairs around them. When bad weather events
such
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 as storms occur, they are slow to respond and may lose all assets. When there is a new scam, they are the most vulnerable group. When they are a victim of crimes
such
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 as physical abuse, they are most likely to endure the pain by themselves since they do not know where to seek help. The increased
literacy
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 in the adult population can contribute positively to the economy of a country.
Literacy
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skills
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 enable
people
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 to learn new
skills
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 and knowledge, and
thus
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 improve their career prospects. A
better educated
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better-educated
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 workforce will
also
Linking Words
 be more productive and generate more value, which would enhance the country’s economic strength. Children and young
people
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 who have parents with higher levels of
literacy
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 usually receive a better education in the family and develop
skills
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 needed for the next-generation workforce.
Furthermore
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, it is widely known that a lower unemployment rate can lessen strains on the social security system.
That is
Linking Words
 how
literacy
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 level impacts economic growth. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the government should divert more funds to adult
literacy
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 because it can help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
secure their rights and make an impact on future generations. In fact, an educated age group has a trickle-down effect on the economy as a whole.

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greeting and closing
Your essay provides a well-structured response to the question with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, remember to include appropriate greetings or signing off at the end, as if it is a letter, to ensure completeness in format.
single idea per paragraph
Each paragraph in your essay should encompass a single idea, which you have managed to do quite well. Stay focused on maintaining this structure to ensure clarity and coherence.
complete response
You have thoroughly addressed the task with relevant arguments and examples. For an even stronger task achievement score, ensure all parts of the prompt are covered completely, and always aim to present balanced perspectives when discussing extent of agreement.
suitable writing tone
Your writing tone is mostly suitable for an IELTS essay. However, strive to maintain an objective and formal tone consistently throughout your essay. Avoid colloquial expressions and ensure that personal opinions are presented as considered viewpoints rather than casual commentary.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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