IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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While
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 smoking is widely recognized as one of the most addictive and unhealthy habits, a significant number of individuals persist in
this
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 behaviour. I believe that the attraction of instantaneous gratification during smoking inhalation, combined with positive perceptions of certain individuals, contributes to its desirability. Employing psychological strategies
as well as
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 involving government support are pragmatic approaches to address
this
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 addiction. First of all, the age of smoking has been decreasing with a continuous trend among the young generation of
people
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, resulting in many diseases
as well as
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 discomfort. It is important to acknowledge that smoking is one of the most obsessive habits that any person could possess
due to
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 the perilous chemicals
such
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 as nicotine.
For instance
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, scientists have proved that nicotine consumption is highly addictive and has the capability to enslave
people
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 who are addicted to it.
Secondly
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, there is
also
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 a group of individuals who contend that smoking cigarettes relieves their stress somehow. By inhaling smoke they are able to control their stress level amid times of difficulty as the smoke which is rich in certain substances annihilates many neurons and healthy cells, once it is inhaled into the human body.
Therefore
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,
people
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 who have to perform in an environment with excessive stress tend to smoke cigarettes.
On the other hand
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, giving up smoking habits is not easy and requires an unwavering decision and immense dedication to the purpose. Commencing a public psychological war on smoking will have a corresponding impact on the diminishing portion of smokers in society.
In addition
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 to that public awareness campaigns
such
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 as the integration of anti-smoking education programmes and conducting seminars in workshops and public areas to discourage
people
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 from smoking and eventually for them to forswear
this
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 jeopardizing behaviour.
To conclude
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, despite the majority of the population being aware of the risks and consequences associated with smoking,
however
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, some of them still keep smoking because they are too addictive to give it up. Raising public awareness and strengthening the mental abilities to fight off smoking are the most efficient solutions to prevent
people
Use synonyms
 from smoking.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay displays a moderate level of logical structure, but there are occasional lapses in clarity and coherence, such as abrupt or unclear progression of ideas. Consider using more transitional phrases and clearer topic sentences to ensure that the reader can follow your argument seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, but they could be sharpened to enhance effectiveness. The introduction could hook the reader with more engaging background information or a stronger thesis statement. The conclusion may be more impactful by succinctly summarizing the key arguments and providing a definitive stance or recommendation.
coherence cohesion
You did well to support your main points with reasoning, but you could improve by adding more varied and detailed examples. Consider drawing from a wider range of sources, including statistics, studies, or personal anecdotes, to strengthen your argument and provide a more persuasive case.
task achievement
You addressed the task directly and developed a clear response to both parts of the question. However, in order to strengthen your score, make sure to fully explore and elaborate on the causes of the issue, as well as providing a more varied set of solutions. A more balanced approach can better showcase your understanding and ability to discuss both aspects equally.
task achievement
Your ideas are comprehensive and relevant but occasionally lack clarity. Strive to articulate your ideas more clearly, avoiding ambiguity or overly complex sentence structures. Simple, clear language can often convey an argument more powerfully than complex vocabulary used inaccurately or inappropriately.
task achievement
You provided some relevant examples to illustrate your points, yet they are quite general and could be more specific. To improve the effectiveness of your examples, consider using precise data, quoting reputable sources, or describing particular instances that clearly demonstrate the point you are making.
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