IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #exercise #children #teenagers #education #sport #students #schools
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In today's era, health is more important
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 anything else. Some people prefer to do yoga and other activities
while
 some like to get knowledge about all those
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
theoretically. In my opinion, sports and physical education need to be a major subject in schools because
children
 can learn so many things from that
as well as
 they can make their
career
 in that too. On the one side, there are so many other subjects which are important for
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
 development too.
Kids
 can make their
career
 in that too. They need to know about science, math,
history
Correct word choice
and history
show examples
 for their
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 life. Some
kids
 prefer to do cooking,
driving
Correct word choice
and driving
show examples
 courses.
For example
, some
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
 are facing disabilities and they are not able to move or sometimes they are not able to make any decisions. So nobody can force them, and it is going to be difficult for them to
doing
Change the form of the verb
do
show examples
 any exercises. On the other side, physical education needs to be compulsory because
children
 can make their
career
 in that
as well as
 they can learn so many things about their health. Because of
busy
Correct pronoun usage
their busy
show examples
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
 some families or
kids
 prefer to eat from outside,
this
 thing can help them to divert their mind.
Their
Replace the word
There
show examples
 are chances that they will prefer to eat
healthy
Change the word
healthily
show examples
as well as
 they can teach other people.
To
Change preposition
For
show examples
 instance,
according to
Ajit
Correct article usage
an Ajit
show examples
 newspaper report
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 in 1998 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people used to play sports because of amazing
career
 opportunities.
To conclude
, it
is depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 upon the circumstances
as well as
kid's
Correct article usage
the kid's
show examples
 personal choices. But I feel that it needs to be the main subject so
children
 can learn about their health.
Submitted by rajdeepsidhuk23 on

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task achievement
Clarify your position and ensure your arguments are well developed, providing more specific and detailed examples to support your points. Avoid general statements that do not add substance to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay more effectively, using clear paragraphing and logical sequencing of ideas. Make sure that your introduction introduces the topic and your opinion clearly and that your conclusion summarizes the arguments made. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs should be smoother to ensure a cohesive argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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