IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In many countries , people are now living longer the ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for the governments. Other people think there are benefits for society has more elderly people. To what extent the advantage of having ageing population outweigh the disadvantages.

#countries #people #population #governments #society #advantage
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Some public suggested that elderly can teach the young generation
knowleges
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knowledge
knowledges
 and
experiences
 that they lack
of
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apply
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.
While
 some people believe the economics will be greatly affected
due to
 lack of
labours
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labourers
show examples
. In my opinion, I agree with the second
view point
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viewpoint
show examples
. On the one hand, the economy of the country will be greatly affected.
Human
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Humans
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 would
graudurally
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gradually
 choose to retire when reaching the age of 60. The market will
lost
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lose
be lost
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 a bunch of efficient and
talent
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talented
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 workers,
while
 no one cover up the loss of labour. When there is insufficient labour, the company may close up and the
economics
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economy
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 of the country will be poor.
For instance
, in Japan, the ageing problem is
serious
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so serious
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 that the government can foresee there will not be enough
worker
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workers
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 in the market in 2031 and Japan's national profit will decrease
30
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by 30
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%
due to
 limited
labours
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labour
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.
On the other hand
, some people believe that
Correct article usage
the elderlys
show examples
elderlys
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elderly
elders
 can share their
experiences
 and remind the young generation not to get into
those bad behavior
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that bad behavior
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.
Elderys
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Elderly
 may have the
experiences
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experience
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on
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of
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 taking drugs or
alchols
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alcohol
alcohols
, they can teach the young generation away from things not good for them and give suggestions on what they can do when they feel
stressful
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stressed
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. In conclusion,
despite
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apply
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the elderly can share
experiences
. I believe that
ageing
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the ageing
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 problem can greatly affect
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the ecnomics
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ecnomics
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economics
 of a country.
Submitted by phoebeyeung5283 on

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task achievement
The introduction should provide a clear foundation for the discussion by paraphrasing the task prompt and stating a clear opinion or thesis. Try to enhance the complexity of your ideas rather than presenting them in a simplistic manner.
task achievement
Ensure the main body paragraphs focus on separate ideas and discuss them in-depth with clear examples. The use of specific, detailed examples is crucial for substantiating your points. Consider developing your arguments further with more varied and detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a logical structure for your essay. Ideas should flow logically from one to the next, with clear topic sentences for each paragraph and cohesive devices to link them.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that both the introduction and conclusion are present and functional. Your introduction should set the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion should provide a clear and concise summary of your points without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Expand upon your main points to support your arguments effectively. Avoid generalizations and strive to discuss each point thoroughly with relevant examples or evidence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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