Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

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Some animal species face challenges against extinction.
Moreover
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,
this
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inevitable danger is coming closer for many others.
This
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essay focuses on the reasons behind the challenge and possible preventive actions. To start with, global warming is a major factor in the disappearance of some species tend to disappear. Because
this
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well-known issue affects habitats of the specific kinds and their main resources for survival.
For example
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, sea creatures, e.g. turtles, whales, sharks, and other rare fish, are disturbed by the shortage of clean and sufficient water levels in seas or oceans.
As a result
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, it means that these animals eventually lose their nature, which is required for them to stay alive.
In addition
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, one human activity called illegal hunting triggers extinction. Since some people consider
this
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an opportunity to earn easy money without tax and enable exporting activities for higher profits, they buy and sell illegal animal products in black markets.
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, the ivory trade in Africa, which is banned, results in the vanishing of the giant elephants nowadays. So, there is a decrease in the number of animals over time.
On the other hand
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, these problems have solutions.
Firstly
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, education is a way to tackle global warming , as citizens do not possess deep knowledge of its background and consequences. We can create an activist mindset with consciousness and empathy with the help of studies, as it eventually touches wildlife.
Secondly
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, to lessen illegal hunting, the government should bring significant rules and a punishment mechanism to warn those who participate in hunting.
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, the hunters obey a pre-defined hunting schedule and manage their jobs only in defined zones,
due to
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restrictions.
To conclude
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, extinction is a part of humanity
due to
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global warming and illegal hunting. What we only need to do against these is to teach how to reduce the effects of global warming in areas in danger and apply strict rules to prevent illegal events.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain reasons well, but the solutions part is shorter and less clear.
task response
Make your main ideas more direct. Some sentences are hard to follow, so your meaning is not always clear.
task response
Use more specific and real examples for each main point. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your paragraph order clear: reason 1, reason 2, solution 1, solution 2. This will help the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Some lines are too long, and the connection is weak.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow. A few parts repeat the same idea in different words.
task response
You answer both questions in the task, with reasons and solutions.
task response
You use examples like sea animals and ivory trade to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as To start with, In addition, Firstly, and To conclude.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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