Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
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In
resent
times, technological industries now have the Correct your spelling
recent
datas
of a large community of people. Correct your spelling
data
This
is attributed to the exchange for access
to software
provided by these companies. The paragraphs below explans
some of the Correct your spelling
explains
explain
merit
of having Fix the agreement mistake
merits
of
these companies gain Change preposition
apply
access
to the information of their customers which outweighs its demerit
.
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demerits
Firstly
, the industries provides
a Change the verb form
provide
censent
letter Correct your spelling
consent
clearifying
their Correct your spelling
clarifying
cliants
that their personal information would not be released to the public without their consent, Correct your spelling
clients
while
the used
of Replace the word
use
such
information will be stated clearly with a
recompense to having Remove the article
apply
getting
a return on Change the verb form
to get
software
access
.
furthermore
, the cost of purchasing these
Change the determiner
this software
software
which will be giving
freely is very high in replacement for Wrong verb form
given
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
that is
already promised to be private. The teachnology
world is rapidly growing and human needs are gradually tending to the area where it will be almost Correct your spelling
technology
imposible
to Correct your spelling
impossible
get
success in any sector without the drive of these Verb problem
achieve
company
. Fix the agreement mistake
companies
These individual
would want to keep abreast with new features of Change the determiner
This individual
These individuals
this
technology that can make life simple
Mose
of these industries like Amazon, Apple and Samsung are evolving with Correct your spelling
Most
this
technologies. Correct determiner usage
these
For example
, Amazon has introduced a new software
that can be used for cloud computing, if Correct article usage
the datas
datas
of their customers are Correct your spelling
data
giving
they will be allowed to get Wrong verb form
given
large
percentage reduction in price. If Correct article usage
a large
these
skill is learnt it will really help humanity
In conclusion, Change the determiner
this
Personnal
data in exchange for Correct your spelling
Personal
software
access
outweighs any risk one can think about. The advantage is that gaining access
freely will amount to no waste of cash and resouses
and Correct your spelling
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achieving a lot
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Introduction/Conclusion
The essay needs a clearer and more formal introduction that includes a thesis statement, outlining the main points that will be discussed. Consider using phrases that explicitly show the structure of the essay, like 'This essay will discuss...' or 'The following essay will explore...'. The conclusion also needs to be more precise in summarizing the essay's key points.
Logical Structure
The essay lacks a logical and clear structure, with paragraphs not always flowing naturally from one to another. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea. Ensure that subsequent sentences relate directly to this idea and that you use transition words to guide the reader through your argument.
Supported Main Points
The essay presents some arguments, but the main points are not always well supported. To improve, include specific examples, data, or references to studies that support your points. Avoid overly general statements and ensure that your examples clearly relate to the main argument.
Complete Response
While the essay addresses the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, the response could be more complete with a balanced discussion. Include a section that explicitly addresses potential disadvantages as well to provide a more nuanced analysis. For clarity, organize your ideas systematically and develop them fully.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
The essay sometimes uses unclear or informal language that can confuse the reader. Always aim for clear, formal, academic language and check that your sentences are comprehensive and contribute to the overall argument of the essay. Avoid colloquial expressions and ensure the accuracy in spelling, punctuation, and grammar.
Relevant Specific Examples
The use of examples is important, but the essay needs to include more specific and relevant instances that directly support the argument you're making. Ensure that the examples are clearly linked to the point you're trying to demonstrate. For a higher score, you can introduce real-world scenarios, research findings or statistics that are directly relevant to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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