IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Developed countries have created many environmental problems in the world, particularly in their contribution to global warming. Why is global warming a problem? What can be done to reduce the danger of global warming?

#countries #world #contribution #danger
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Nowadays, global warming has become an interesting topic in society because of the dangerous impacts of global warming. First of all, global warming is an increase in average Earth Temperatures
due to
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 human action. In
this
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 essay, I will examine the problems
as a result
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 of global warming and the actions that must be taken to decrease the adverse
effects
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. There are several problems with global warming. The most predominant one is it has the potential to change rainfall and snow patterns and increase droughts and severe storms.
In addition
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, the rise in mean temperatures has led melt the glaciers.
Therefore
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, it can lead to the extinction of polar bears and penguins.
Furthermore
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, numerous species are threatened and endangered by global warming.
Due to
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 global warming, the ozone layer will be depleted and harm human lives. There are numerous things that
people
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 can do to reduce the
effects
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 of global warming. The most prominent is less use of private transportation to commute and more focus on how to maximize public transportation.
In addition
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, encouraging
people
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 to not utilize plastic bags.
For example
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,
people
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 should pay more every time they do not bring their bags to the supermarket;
therefore
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, they would build their awareness about global warming.
In addition
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, the government must have informed
people
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 about the negative
effects
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 of global warming through posters, radio broadcasts, or other social media platforms. In conclusion, there are several issues that have been correlated with global warming.
However
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,
people
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 should do their best to reduce the adverse
effects
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.
People
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 could start doing a small action,
for example
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, reducing the use of plastic bags.
Submitted by gladysdharmawan1994 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear logical progression throughout your essay. Your ideas should be more cohesively linked with a range of appropriate cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could benefit from a more direct approach, explicitly stating the answers to both questions posed in the task.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples. Use data or case studies where possible to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas by showing a broader range of issues caused by global warming, not just the environmental impact. Consider socio-economic factors as well.
task achievement
Include more comprehensive solutions to global warming that address wider aspects such as legislative, technological, and cultural changes.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points about problems and solutions to global warming. General statements should be supported by concrete details for a higher score.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • carbon footprint
  • renewable energy
  • energy efficiency
  • deforestation
  • extreme weather conditions
  • biodiversity
  • sustainability
  • innovation
  • industrial revolution
  • urban development
  • Paris Agreement
  • carbon taxes
  • polar ice caps
  • emission reduction
  • coastal cities
  • island nations
  • fossil fuels
  • consumption
  • public awareness
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