IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Large-scale festivals attract tourists, bring economic benefits to an area, while taking away the local culture. Discuss the ADV and the DAV?

#festivals #tourists #area #culture #adv #dav
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Large-scale
festival
Fix the agreement mistake
festivals
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attend
Verb problem
attract
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 tourists,
bring
Correct word choice
and bring
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 economic benefits to an area,
while
Linking Words
 taking away the local culture discuss the advantages and disadvantages. It is never easy to expand traditional
festivals
Use synonyms
 because, even though they can benefit the economy by drawing tourists, they can
also
Linking Words
 have drawbacks like increased air pollution or material pollution costs. From my perspective, large-scale
festivals
Use synonyms
 have many benefits that not only help the growth of the economy but
also
Linking Words
 help people have access to traditional
festivals
Use synonyms
. The festival is a unique offering that has high economic value, creates an environment
that is
Linking Words
 conducive to economic growth, and introduces both domestic and foreign visitors
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 cultural traits of the country and region.
For instance
Linking Words
, we expand the number of eateries serving regional cuisine or selling typical souvenirs of each city, etc
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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This
Linking Words
 can encourage global exposure
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 local
festivals
Use synonyms
 and culture
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 aiding in the growth of the local economy.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
large-scale
Add an article
the large-scale
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 festival is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 way to bring
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation access to
traditional
Add an article
the traditional
show examples
 festival. Currently, young children usually spend time
to
Change preposition
on
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Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
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 and not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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communicate with family too much and
actually
Add a comma
actually,
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 they have no interest in outside activities. So,
this
Linking Words
 is a chance for them to become more familiar with the culture of their nation.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the more we expand the scale of
festivals
Use synonyms
, it will lead to significant impacts
such
Linking Words
 as environmental pollution or too much focus on profits.
First,
Linking Words
vehicle exhaust fumes will contaminate the air. Even worse, a lot of people throw trash carelessly, which has a negative impact on the environment. Another factor is that when people too much focus on profits. Tourists will become less trusting of businesses that overly prioritize profit over quality or reputation, as seen in the case of excessive price increases or product sales. To put it succinctly,
festivals
Use synonyms
 must grow in scope with great care, ensuring that they maintain their unique character and that attendees can participate in a heartfelt and joyful experience.
Submitted by ms.quyenmelody on

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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction should clearly state the main points you will be discussing, providing a clear preview of what the essay will cover. Make sure your introduction and conclusion are more distinct and effectively encapsulate the essence of the essay.
logical structure
Ensure your essay maintains a logical flow by presenting ideas in a structured manner. Connect paragraphs and sentences seamlessly to guide the reader through your argument without confusion. Make better use of linking words and phrases to achieve this.
supported main points
Support your main points with specific examples. Include more data, anecdotes, or case studies to substantiate your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
complete response
While you have addressed the task, aim to provide a more balanced discussion by giving equal weight to both advantages and disadvantages. Expand your explanation to cover all aspects of the prompt comprehensively.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on expanding and clarifying your ideas to make them more comprehensive. Aim for paragraphs that explore your points in depth, providing analysis and detailed explanations.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to demonstrate the advantages and disadvantages discussed. This can increase the persuasive power of your essay and show a deeper level of analysis.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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