IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty, but some other people argue that industrial growth is leading to poverty and it should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In the modern world,
industrialization
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 and
poverty
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 are the two pressing issues.
While
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 a common opinion is that industrial
growth
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 leads to reduced
poverty
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, other
people
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 believe that
industrialization
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 causes
poverty
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 in our
society
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 and it must be stopped.
This
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 essay will examine both sides of the argument and provide an
overall
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 opinion. Generally speaking, there are some reasons why
people
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 believe that industrial
growth
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 is essential to minimize
poverty
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. Perhaps the main factor why
people
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 say that
industrialization
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 is important is because it creates a huge number of job opportunities.
As a result
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,
people
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 earn more money and
poverty
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 comes down.
For example
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, most of the developing countries emphasize
industrialization
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 to increase their export, earn more foreign currency, and make skilled manpower which solve the
poverty
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 problem of those countries.
Furthermore
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, industrial
growth
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 raises the living standard of a
society
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.
For instance
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, the surrounding area of an industrial region is more developed than other area in a country. Despite these arguments, some individuals feel that industrial
growth
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 leads to
poverty
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 in our
society
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 for a number of reasons.
Firstly
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, it causes inequality between rich and poor
people
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. Some commentators say that the owner of the industry gets the maximum benefits
whereas
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 the workers take a little portion of profit.
For
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this
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 reason, the rich
people
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 become more richer,
while
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 the poor become more poorer
day
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 by
day
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. In conclusion,
industrialization
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 and
poverty
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 are important topics that are very relevant to our modern
society
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. Having considered both sides of the issue, I would argue that industrial
growth
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 leads to a decline in
poverty
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 by creating job opportunities and it has long-term positive benefits to our
society
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. If
industrialization
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 grows with time,
poverty
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 will come down
day
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 by
day
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph should introduce a new idea and develop it coherently. It would benefit from the use of more cohesive devices to link ideas and arguments more clearly.
task achievement
While the essay does present an overall response to the task, the ideas could be developed further to achieve depth in your arguments. Try to provide more detailed explanations and fully elaborate on how industrial growth may solve or worsen poverty, offering more nuanced perspectives.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to articulate ideas more precisely. The use of relevant and specific examples is essential to demonstrate the points being made. These examples should be well explained and directly related to the main points of discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • industrial growth
  • poverty
  • income opportunities
  • technological advancements
  • productivity
  • income inequality
  • wealthy individuals
  • corporations
  • environmental impacts
  • impoverished communities
  • sustainable development
  • inclusive development
  • alleviation
  • measures
  • accompany
  • concerns
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