IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You would like to reduce your working hours in order to study part time. Write a letter to your boss. In your letter •explain why you want to reduce your working hours •say which hours you would like to work •describe how your part-time studies would benefit your employer

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Dear Mr. Andy, I am writing to draw your kind attention to my working
hours
Use synonyms
. I have been successfully working in your company for the
last
Linking Words
 3 years. Though I have fixed 40
hours
Use synonyms
 of duty per week, I
am in
Verb problem
apply
show examples
need to reduce
this
Linking Words
 to 30
hours
Use synonyms
 a week.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I am going to attend a course at a local college to restart study on a part-time basis which is not possible in my present tight job schedule. For your information, I would need 2
hours
Use synonyms
 in the afternoon to attend my classes.
That is
Linking Words
 why, every working day 3pm to 5pm I would not be able to attend my duty. I am humbly requesting you
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
allow
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
happening
Change the verb form
to happen
show examples
. I will join the office everyday morning on time and will leave 2
hours
Use synonyms
 early in the afternoon at 3 PM.
In addition
Linking Words
, I want to tell you a very impressive matter that, my course will certainly help in my career which will ultimately be beneficial to your company. You will be glad to know that, my major course subject is "hydraulics" which is directly related to my daily tasks as have to repair all the mechanical items in the shop.
This
Linking Words
 knowledge will support me to do my tasks more easily and solve issues more confidently. I am looking forward to receiving a positive response from you soon. Yours sincerely Phillip

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The letter covers all required points: reason for reducing working hours, preferred hours, and benefits to the company. Ensure to always address all key points for a full response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression of ideas, although the structure is clear overall. Group related ideas more closely for an even better logical flow.
task achievement
Despite a few small language inaccuracies, the writing tone is appropriate and professional for a letter to a boss.
task achievement
Clear, professional tone throughout the letter.
coherence cohesion
Includes greeting and closing, making the letter feel well-rounded and complete.
task achievement
Strong connection between part-time studies and benefit to the employer is well articulated.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: