Nowadays, in many areas, local people celebrate large-scale festivals. It can bring economy; beside, it can take away the local culture. So, what is the advantage and disadvantage of this problem.
On the one hand, there are some pros of
large – scale
Correct your spelling
large–scale
festivals
. First of all, the city where hold
the festival will be upgraded to a higher level. In fact, more Verb problem
apply
informations
about that area will be appeared on social media. Change the wording
information
pieces of information
For example
, photographers or journalists come and record videos about the festivals
then
post Correct word choice
and then
on
the Correct pronoun usage
them on
internet
. Capitalize word
Internet
In addition
, the festivals
also
give chances to children to do more outdoor activities. Nowadays, children tend to spend their time at home more than going outside so it’s an opportunity for them to enjoy the holiday with their family and friends. For instance
, Mid-Autumn
festival is a great time for children to play and watch “múa Lân”.
Correct article usage
the Mid-Autumn
On the other hand
, massive – scale
Correct your spelling
massive–scale
festivals
have some cons. Some businesses are changing our culture to keep up with the economy
challenges. Indeed, tickets at some tourist attractions have been taken to Replace the word
economic
a higher prices
. To give an example, the cost of entrance tickets to HoiAn increased very high in a short time. Correct the article-noun agreement
higher prices
a higher price
Moreover
, many landscapes have been damage
by tourists. Many people littering or drawing on walls, causes serious loss of aesthetics. Wrong verb form
damaged
Furthermore
, the government
repair in Change noun form
government's
wrong
ways Correct article usage
the wrong
also
make
the scenery become worse. Change the verb form
makes
For instance
, a lot of ancient house in HoiAn is full of graffiti and drawings, that
makes Correct pronoun usage
which
this
place loss
its antiquity.
In conclusion, large-scale Replace the word
lose
festivals
help develop the economy of an area but haveSubmitted by ms.quyenmelody on
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coherence cohesion
The essay has some structure in terms of paragraphs, but the logical flow between ideas can be significantly improved. Ideas are presented sequentially without clear transitions or cohesive devices to guide the reader seamlessly from one point to the next. Integrate transition phrases and ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are incomplete or lacking. A strong essay needs a clear thesis statement in the intro and a restated, concise summary of main points in the conclusion. Ensure the essay begins by paraphrasing the question and ends decisively.
supported main points
You should support your main points with detailed explanations, not just by listing examples. Aim to fully develop each idea with further analysis or commentary that clarifies how your examples support your argument.
complete response
Your response does address the task and presents both advantages and disadvantages of large festivals. To strengthen your task achievement, provide a balanced comparative analysis for both aspects and ensure you respond completely to all parts of the prompt.
clear comprehensive ideas
The clarity of your ideas can be enhanced. Aim for well-defined arguments that are directly related to the task question. Each paragraph should contain one clear main idea, followed by supporting details. Avoid generalizations and focus on making your ideas more comprehensive.
relevant specific examples
Your use of examples is good, but they could be more effectively integrated into the essay. Use specific, relevant examples that directly support your main points, and explain the significance of each example to your argument.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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