IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework and households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework and households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country
The graph depicts the percentage of households that
own
Wrong verb form
owned
show examples
 washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
,
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 and vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
, in one nation for around 100 years,
whereas
 the second chart illustrates the number of
hour
Change to a plural noun
hours
show examples
 spent on housework during the same time period.
Overall
, the ownership of
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 and vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 showed an upward trend,
however
,
washing
Add an article
the washing
a washing
show examples
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
was fluctuating
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
 between 1960 and 2019. The amount of time spent doing housework in
household
Add an article
the household
show examples
was showing
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 a downward trend in the same period of time. In 1920, individuals owning
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 was zero
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
,
however
, it drastically rose to 90% in 1960 and from there it steadily grew to 100% in 2000. The ownership of
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
 cleaner was at 30% in 1920 and it increased to 100% in 2000, which continued to stay steady throughout
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
. The possession of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 was 40% in 1920,
however
, it started fluctuating from 1960 to 2019. In 1920,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
hours
 spent washing clothes, preparing meals and cleaning was 50
hours
 per week.
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
show examples
 It declined to 20
hours
 per week in 1960 and it steadily decreased to 10
hours
 per week in 2019.
Submitted by Sivapriyaanil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: