Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Other believe that we should try to coopetate more, rather than competiting againt each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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A number of individuals believe that competition at
work
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, at school and in daily life is a good thing,
while
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some argue that cooperating with others is better than competing against each other. From my perspective, cooperating with others is more beneficial than competing, as people can be more organised and have better relationships with staff members and friends. On the one hand, competition at
work
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, in educational institutions, and in daily life can help individuals be more goal-oriented and focus on themselves.
This
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plays an important role in people’s lives because of the high competition in
companies
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,
as well as
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in schools, as several organisations hire people based on the skills they have gained in university or projects they have completed. People who are highly competitive or goal-oriented attract many large
companies
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like Google, Apple, or Tesla.
For example
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, many university students in the USA are more self-focused on their careers to land jobs in high-tech
companies
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, and compete with each other to improve themselves.
On the other hand
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, cooperating with others can help them be more organised and have better relationships with friends and staff members at
work
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.
This
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is because doing tasks in schools or organisations can be difficult to do alone, but with the help of friends and office staff members, tasks can be made more organised, as they get to know different opinions that can be applied to make the tasks more systematic.
For example
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, educational consulting
companies
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need to coordinate with each other to learn about universities’ backgrounds, which can help the students who come to them for consulting. So, in my opinion, working together is more beneficial than competing with each other in every section, whether it may be at school or at
work
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. In conclusion, competing can help a person be more focused and goal-oriented, but helping each other in the workplace and at university can make individuals more organised and improve their communication skills, which is highly important in the modern world.

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task response
Answer both sides more evenly. The part about competition is clear, but the part about cooperation needs a stronger reason.
task response
Give one more direct example for cooperation. This will make your ideas feel more real and full.
task response
Your opinion is clear from the start and again at the end. Keep doing this.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat, like organised and better relationships. Add a new point instead of saying the same idea again.
coherence and cohesion
Link some sentences more smoothly. At times, the jump from one idea to the next is a bit fast.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your own opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas stay on topic and are easy to follow.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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