IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species,for example the tiger or the blue whale. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Many people believe it is pointless to try to save endangered animal species,
such
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 as tigers or
the
Correct article usage
apply
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blue whales. From my point of view,it is very important to try our best to solve these kinds of problems.
Firstly
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, society plays a significant role in many things that happen around us.Many endangered species are on their death paths because of pollution and hunting
that is
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 still going on,and nobody is trying to solve these issues.
Although
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 it is hard to make everyone cooperate, we can introduce rules for everyone to follow and
make
Verb problem
impose
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 penalties for those who disobey them.
For instance
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,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 once visited a country in Europe that was very strict about recycling and hunting
animals
Use synonyms
. Those who wanted to hunt needed a permit, and
the others
Correct determiner usage
those
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 who didn’t recycle properly would receive fines.
Secondly
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,it is very important to maintain the balance between living creatures and nature.Every species plays an important role in the ecosystem,and if one disappears, the entire food chain can be affected.
For instance
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, if predators like tigers disappear, other populations of
animals
Use synonyms
 can increase radically ,leading to
natural
Correct article usage
a natural
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 imbalance.
Therefore
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, protecting endangered
animals
Use synonyms
 plays a
main
Correct word choice
major
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 role in maintaining the stability of nature and health. In conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 strongly believe that it is very important to protect the vulnerable
animals
Use synonyms
 that are on the
edge
Check wording
verge
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 of
surviving
Replace the word
survival
. Even though some people believe it is a waste of money,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 can strongly affirm that it is necessary for protecting nature and maintaining the balance of the ecosystem.

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task response
Make your answer more direct. Say clearly in the first part that you disagree, and keep this idea strong in all body parts.
task response
Add one more clear idea about why saving animals matters, or explain one main idea more deeply.
task response
Use more exact support for your ideas. Your hunting and recycling example is good, but it can link more clearly to endangered animals.
coherence and cohesion
Put a small topic sentence at the start of each body part so the reader can follow your plan easily.
coherence and cohesion
Check linking words. You use 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'Therefore' well, but some sentences are too long and need better stops.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main point only, then explain it step by step.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant: human harm, rules, and nature balance.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, two body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words well, so the reader can follow most ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • intrinsic value
  • existential threat
  • ecosystem
  • conservation
  • economic benefits
  • funding allocation
  • competing needs
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