International tourism has become a huge industry in the world. Do the problems of international travel outweigh its advantages?
It is commonly believed that worldwide
tourism
has become the leading sector
in many countries, even though it also
caused numerous detrimental impacts, and the elaboration of those sides will be elaborated in this
essay.
On the one
hand, the hospitality sector
caused massive harmful effects on some sectors due to
tourism
activities. Firstly
, tourists or excursionists can vacation in some destinations and and
they do social communication with the local community. Remove the redundancy
apply
Hence
, this
circumstance could affect acculturation, and influence snowball effects, such
as degradation of local culture. Taking Bali
as an example, the best destination
in the world has been experiencing acculturation, and it caused some of the locals to change their habits. In Bali
, the hosts are prohibited to recolor
their hair. Change preposition
from recoloring
Nonetheless
, since this
destination
has been visited by a lot of tourists who have hair blonde, brown, and red, this
affects the new colour trend for local people, and they did recolour their hair. Secondly
, it also
had a negative effect on the environment of Bali
’s destination
. The numerous tourists who come to Bali
also
contribute in
waste. As an illustration, suburbs in Change preposition
to
Bali
only get the rubbish as a consequence
of tourism
activities, even though these suburbs are not tourist destination
areas. Because of this
, suburbs are suffering because of tourist waste.
On the one
hand, admittedly, tourism
also
has a lot of positive effects on destinations. This
sector
gives a massive number of foreign exchanges, and it rockets increased the number of regional incomes. Putting Yogyakarta city as a model, this
one
of destinations
in Indonesia has become a big cultural Correct article usage
the destinations
tourism
destination
in South East Asia, and succesfully
increased the regional income by the hospitality Correct your spelling
successfully
sector
. Hence
, the rise of growth in regional income in this
city is used to improve on
the welfare of local society, buildings, and transportation.
Change preposition
apply
To conclude
, although
the tourism
sector
is one
of the leading sectors in this
world, it still has disadvantages that outweigh the advantages as aforementioned above.Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay exhibits a basic structure, but could benefit greatly from a clearer introduction and conclusion, stating the issue and summarizing the main points more definitively.
Sentence Structure
While the main ideas are identifiable, you should work on crafting more coherent and complex sentences to improve the readability and the logical flow of paragraphs.
Paragraph Structure
A more delineated paragraph structure would enhance the overall coherence. Each paragraph should clearly represent a single main idea with supporting details.
Development of Ideas
Your response reflects understanding of the task. However, a more comprehensive development of your argument with clear supporting ideas would strengthen your position on the issue.
Supporting Examples
Provide more diverse and detailed examples to back up your arguments. Ensure the examples are clearly connected to the point they're intended to support.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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