International tourism has become a huge industry in the world. Do the problems of international travel outweigh its advantages?

#tourism #industry #world #travel

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It is commonly believed that worldwide

tourism

has become the leading

sector

in many countries, even though it

also

caused numerous detrimental impacts, and the elaboration of those sides will be elaborated in

this

essay. On the

one

hand, the hospitality

sector

caused massive harmful effects on some sectors

due to

tourism

activities.

Firstly

, tourists or excursionists can vacation in some destinations and

and

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

they do social communication with the local community.

Hence

this

circumstance could affect acculturation, and influence snowball effects,

such

as degradation of local culture. Taking

Bali

as an example, the best

destination

in the world has been experiencing acculturation, and it caused some of the locals to change their habits. In

Bali

, the hosts are prohibited

to recolor

Change preposition

from recoloring

show examples

their hair.

Nonetheless

, since

this

destination

has been visited by a lot of tourists who have hair blonde, brown, and red,

this

affects the new colour trend for local people, and they did recolour their hair.

Secondly

, it

also

had a negative effect on the environment of

Bali

’s

destination

. The numerous tourists who come to

Bali

also

contribute

Change preposition

show examples

waste. As an illustration, suburbs in

Bali

only get the rubbish

as a consequence

tourism

activities, even though these suburbs are not tourist

destination

areas. Because of

this

, suburbs are suffering because of tourist waste. On the

one

hand, admittedly,

tourism

also

has a lot of positive effects on destinations.

This

sector

gives a massive number of foreign exchanges, and it rockets increased the number of regional incomes. Putting Yogyakarta city as a model,

this

one

destinations

Correct article usage

the destinations

show examples

in Indonesia has become a big cultural

tourism

destination

in South East Asia, and

succesfully

Correct your spelling

successfully

increased the regional income by the hospitality

sector

Hence

, the rise of growth in regional income in

this

city is used to improve

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the welfare of local society, buildings, and transportation.

To conclude

although

the

tourism

sector

one

of the leading sectors in

this

world, it still has disadvantages that outweigh the advantages as aforementioned above.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Mon Nov 27 2023

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Introduction & Conclusion

Your essay exhibits a basic structure, but could benefit greatly from a clearer introduction and conclusion, stating the issue and summarizing the main points more definitively.

Sentence Structure

While the main ideas are identifiable, you should work on crafting more coherent and complex sentences to improve the readability and the logical flow of paragraphs.

Paragraph Structure

A more delineated paragraph structure would enhance the overall coherence. Each paragraph should clearly represent a single main idea with supporting details.

Development of Ideas

Your response reflects understanding of the task. However, a more comprehensive development of your argument with clear supporting ideas would strengthen your position on the issue.

Supporting Examples

Provide more diverse and detailed examples to back up your arguments. Ensure the examples are clearly connected to the point they're intended to support.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

333 words

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International tourism has become a huge industry in the world. Do the problems of international travel outweigh its advantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think foreign visitors should be charged more than local person when they visit the cultural and historical attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Universities and colleges are now offering qualifications through distance learning from the Internet rather than teachers in the classroom. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

roads will be safer if cyclist pass exsam each year. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe older employees are more useful to a company. Others believe that younger employees are more useful in modern world. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.