IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

many people aresupportive of the opinion that young children should study at home , because there are so many problems in schools nowadays. to what extent do you agree?

#people #aresupportive #children #study #home #schools
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A substantial number of individuals have a strong view
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the way
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young
children
studying
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
, which says that pupils should study at home because of so many problems that are in schools today. In
this
 essay,I will share my opinion about how much it is necessary and acceptable. it is crystal clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
these days there are too many problems in study places almost for young
children
;in fact,some of the schools are not safe around the world;
therefore
,changing the lifestyle;to illustrate,consider people's life before and after Queid pandemic, before that
children
 went to school and parents had no concern about
such
deases
Correct your spelling
diseases
;
as a result
, studying online is more desire for some parents who are worried about their
children
's health.
On the other hand
, in the modern days that we are living humans are becoming more alone ; indeed, family ties are not like past anymore;
therefore
,they are almost fairly small and most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families just have one child;
for example
,parents who have one young child prefer to keep him/her next to themselves and study at home, in order to loosing them.
Hence
, their child used to be alone and may never make friends and can not participate in communities.
To conclude
, in my opinion, studying young pupils at home , will
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 some problems with social conditions, which are not suitable in time.
Submitted by sajad.bazdar.2012 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear statement about your overall opinion on the issue. Your introduction should also preview the main points you plan to discuss.
logical structure
Organize your essay in a logical manner with clear paragraphs for introduction, body (with separate points), and conclusion. Transition smoothly between ideas using appropriate linking words.
supported main points
Support each of your main points with relevant details, examples, and explanations. Aim to develop each point fully to convey your argument convincingly.
complete response
Address the task by fully responding to all parts of the prompt. Make sure that you express your level of agreement clearly and expand on your viewpoint throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and elaborate your ideas to ensure they are comprehensive and easily understood. Avoid vague statements and strive to be specific, particularly when providing examples or reasons for your opinion.
relevant specific examples
Provide concrete examples to strengthen your arguments. Examples should be relevant and specific to the topic, demonstrating the practical implications of your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: