IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

it is important to children to learn the difference right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this disctiction.

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #disctiction
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
pople
Correct your spelling
people
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that
know
Wrong verb form
knowing
show examples
 about right and wrong
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 from little age is
importand
Correct your spelling
important
 and that governments need
takes
Change the verb form
to take
show examples
 part in providing help for
this
Linking Words
 statement.
However
Linking Words
, I fully disagree with
this
Linking Words
topics
Fix the agreement mistake
topic
show examples
. It will lead children
be
Add the particle
to be
show examples
 like robots, without any feelings and many
prevent
Wrong verb form
are prevented
show examples
to make
Change preposition
from making
show examples
friends
Use synonyms
, because of issues with communication. It is undeniable that feelings
an
Add a missing verb
are an
show examples
 essential part of our life. When individuals care about doing something wrong or offering something and do not accept feelings, it
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 them to be similar to robots. I have read about
story
Add an article
a story
show examples
 that was in 1995 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
England. One boy
who's
Correct your spelling
whose
show examples
 parents teach them never
do
Fix the infinitive
to do
show examples
 wrong things starting from him young age, after some years
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
does not feel anything like
Correct article usage
a robots
show examples
robots
Fix the agreement mistake
robot
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, it can have problems with communication with someone. If
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not communicate with other children, it will be hard to make
friends
Use synonyms
 that can do
them
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 same to
introvert
Wrong verb form
introverts
show examples
 in the future. My aunt had problems with making
friends
Use synonyms
 and he never be happy in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
his childhood. Currently, they have a lot of
friends
Use synonyms
 and they
happy
Add a missing verb
are happy
show examples
 to spend
with
Correct pronoun usage
their with
show examples
 them time.
To sum
Linking Words
up
Add a comma
up,
show examples
 all mentioned before, I
become
Verb problem
come
show examples
 to
conclusion
Add an article
the conclusion
show examples
 that teaching children right and wrong
startinf
Correct your spelling
starts
 from little age
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 correct. They will learn
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
by
their self
Correct pronoun usage
themself
themselves
show examples
 during the time and
expiriences
Correct your spelling
experiences
experience
.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure with distinct paragraphs including an introduction and a conclusion. Furthermore, the main points are not well-supported and the logical sequencing of information is disrupted by numerous grammatical errors and inappropriate use of language.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the prompt but fails to fully engage with the question raised, as the response deviates from the topic and does not provide a thorough exploration of why punishment might or might not be necessary for teaching children right from wrong. The response should be refocused to specifically address the aspects of the importance of punishment and align examples accordingly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: