IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countriyside is decreasing. Do you think it is a positie or nagative development?

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Migration has
ben
Correct your spelling
been
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 increased dramatically from the
village
Use synonyms
 to urban areas
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around the world
due to
Linking Words
 many reasons.
Thus
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, in many nations,
rural
Correct article usage
the rural
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 inhabitants ratio is diminished by
this
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 action. In
this
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 essay, I will determine both merits and demerits and clarify why it is a negative
breakthroughs
Change the noun form
breakthrough
show examples
. On the one hand, people have many reasons for
move
Wrong verb form
moving
show examples
 from
Use synonyms
village
Fix the agreement mistake
villages
show examples
 to cities.
First,
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the countrysides
show examples
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
 do not have the best amenities and facilities like cities
such
Linking Words
 as schools, science labs, malls, movie
theatures
Correct your spelling
theatres
 and hospitals,
therefore
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 they need to
imigrate
Correct your spelling
migrate
emigrate
immigrate
 from their homeland to
metropolish
Correct your spelling
metropolis
 places.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent survey conducted by the NGO said that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 folks were moved from
suburbs
Use synonyms
 to urban,
their
Correct word choice
and their
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 first choice was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education.
Then
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,
town
Add an article
the town
show examples
 has more employment opportunities compared to the countryside
such
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 as three
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
 more.
On the other hand
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, people
move
Wrong verb form
moving
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 from their homeland to
city
Correct article usage
a city
show examples
 has some negative developments.
Firstly
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,
agricultural
Add an article
the agricultural
show examples
 workforce might decrease,
in
Correct word choice
and in
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long
Correct article usage
the long
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term
Add a comma
term,
show examples
 the agricultural product would be lost
due to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
suburbs
Replace the word
suburban
show examples
 citizens
migirate
Correct your spelling
migrate
migrated
 from
Use synonyms
village
Fix the agreement mistake
villages
show examples
 to cities.
Secondly
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, country folks are the only
to
Correct pronoun usage
ones to
show examples
 preserve
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 culture and heritage. when they move to
metropolitant
Correct your spelling
metropolitan
 places
this
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 might be existence. For
instances
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
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, Abbey is the
suburbs
Use synonyms
 of Iran,
now
Correct word choice
and now
show examples
 that
village
Use synonyms
 is empty,
consequently
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, their traditional languages and
costume
Fix the agreement mistake
costumes
show examples
 exist.
To conclude
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,
immigrate
Wrong verb form
immigrating
show examples
 from country to urban has some benefits
as well as
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 negative improvements. I consider
this
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 development
has
Wrong verb form
to have
show examples
 more negative breakthroughs.
Therefore
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, the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 should invest more money to develop
Use synonyms
suburbs
Replace the word
suburban
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
migration.

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coherence cohesion
It is important to structure your essay in a clear and logical manner. While your essay does have a basic structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, there are some inconsistencies in the flow of information causing occasional confusion for the reader. Work on creating a more cohesive narrative by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using more connective words and reviewing your paragraph structures for clarity.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, you have attempted to address the question by discussing both the positives and negatives of rural migration to cities. However, the response lacks depth in exploring the implications of this development, and examples provided are not fully elaborated. Aim to present a more comprehensive argument by expanding on each point with detailed explanations and relevant examples. Additionally, your conclusion should ideally reflect a more balanced consideration of the points made throughout your essay.
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