IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. others say that other factors are more important do you think that people cần only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy

#people #job #love #factors #cần
some people believe that in order to be happy, you must have a
job
 you
love
 doing. the others think that other
factors
 are more important. but in my view,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with both opinions that you have a
job
 you
love
 doing and other
factors
 are more important. on the one hand, having a
job
 you
love
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 you focus on your work. When you work hard, it reduces intelligence and makes you more refined. More than once you
love
 it, you will do it until the end
on the other hand
, having a
job
 that they really enjoy
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
 way to help their happy, maybe your family and friends are the
factors
 that lead to your happiness.
For example
, when you
stress
Wrong verb form
are stressed
show examples
 or tired family is spiritual support they help you get rid of fatigue.
Also
 when you
sad
Add a missing verb
are sad
show examples
, your friends always listen and share with you. in conclusion,it is true that doing
love
Correct article usage
a love
show examples
job
 is a way
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
show examples
 people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
happy, but some
factors
also
 help people
happiness
Change preposition
to happiness
show examples
. Each person will have their own different joys
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Focus on creating a clear and logical structure for your essay. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow naturally from one to the other.
coherence cohesion
Be sure to include both an introduction and a conclusion in your essay. These should clearly state your main point and summarise your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with specific examples and explanations to make your arguments more compelling and to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Make sure to fully answer the prompt, providing a complete discussion of the subject with clear and comprehensive ideas throughout your essay.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points and provide evidence for your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: