IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
I think that choosing
alternative
medicine
 and
treatment
 is a negative thing. Because
alternative
medicine
 and
treatment
relies
Change the verb form
rely
show examples
 on feelings, not based on the data.
Alternative
 doctors cannot ensure that the
alternative
treatment
 given to someone will be gradual, what impact it will have, save or not, and other important things.
And sometimes
Correct word choice
Sometimes
show examples
 the
alternative
medicine
 and
treatment
 it’s not clear,
it
Correct word choice
whether it
show examples
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 halal or not (
Cause
Correct your spelling
Because
show examples
 in
islam
Change the capitalization
Islam
show examples
, the people aren’t drinking or eating a haram thing).
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 sometimes some
alternative
 treatments are more effective (like Ruqyah
medicine
 in
islam
Change the capitalization
Islam
show examples
 method, poison
treatment
 from
alternative
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
, and others). If visiting the usual
doctor
, they will know more about the patient's habits when experiencing illness (based on data from past visits). The medicines and
treatment
Fix the agreement mistake
treatments
show examples
 given
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the
doctor
 have
also
 been verified to cure patients (based on BPOM and Halal label). And it will be gradual, he will know what impact it will get, save or not, and other important things.
According to
 Professor Dr. Albert Azeen Mpd. Sd., “
Capitalize word
Routine
show examples
routine
Capitalize word
Routine
show examples
treatment
 carried out by the
doctor
 you usually visited will provide a solution for sustainable recovery from the disease”, he said when he was
Change preposition
at
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the International Doctors Meeting (IDM) at
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of London. Rather than
alternative
 treatments which are sometimes less certain about the results of the
treatment
 carried out. So, in my opinion,
treatment
 from the
doctor
 you usually visit is better than
alternative
treatment
. Because it will be gradual, the
doctor
 will know what impact it will
get
Verb problem
have
show examples
,
save
Replace the word
safe
show examples
 or not, and other important things.
Then
alternative
medicine
 and
treatment
, which relies on feelings, not based on the data.
Submitted by igbalalfariezy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion. Each paragraph should serve a distinct purpose with a central idea that is expanded upon with supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Develop logical connections and transitions between sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader smoothly through your arguments. Avoid abrupt shifts in topic and ensure each sentence contributes to the overall cohesion of the text.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, ensuring you respond to the prompt fully. Your opinion on whether the development is positive or negative should be clear throughout the essay, supported by relevant arguments and examples.
task achievement
Elaborate your ideas using clear and comprehensive language. Avoid vague statements and ensure that your arguments include detailed explanations and specific examples where appropriate.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: