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Band 4

Large shopping malls are replacing small local shops. Discuss

#malls #shops
One of the most conspicuous trends of
contemporary
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the contemporary
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 world is a colossal upsurge
is
Correct your spelling
in
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 the shopping
malls
are
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that are
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 now replacing
the
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apply
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small local
business
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businesses
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. Considering
this
, there are some analysts who believe that it is beneficial,
however
, opponents disagree. From my perspective,
this
 issue requires
a
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apply
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meticulous deliberation.
This
 essay will
further
 demonstrate the reasons and explanations for supporting
this
 contention and
thus
 deduce the logical conclusion. At the outset
Firstly
, there are numerous reasons why it is advantageous, but the most discernible one stems from the fact that the
malls
 have all the products in one place so, for
people
 it is easy to shop. Another overt argument is
people
 will
safe
Replace the word
save
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 plenty amount of time. It should
also
 be taken into account that
it
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apply
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not only does it argument
means
Correct subject-verb agreement
mean
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 increasing,
malls
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 very convenient for those
people
 who
does
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do
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 not like to travel
for
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to
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 shopping, but it
also
 contributes to broadening to broadening one’s horizons. Needless to say, all these benefits stand a learner
is
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in
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 good stead, as far as attaining numerous skills required to successfully interact with the society is concerned. A more pragmatic approach is needed to acquire these benefits.
On the contrary
, small business
also
 plays a
predominate
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predominant
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 role in our life.
People
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For people
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 who cannot afford high price products small shops are suitable for them. To elaborate
further
, it helps to get daily required
product
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products
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 like,
bulb
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bulbs
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, sugar, milk and ice-creams for children.
This
 seems to be a very plausible point. To recapitulate
at the end
,
foregoing
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the foregoing
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 discussion propounds the view that
malls
 are important for society because it shows
the
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apply
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growth in the country but we cannot ignore
the
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apply
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small business because it
is
Change the verb form
is also contributing
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also
 contributes the same. The potential impacts of
this
 phenomenon are indeed too dire
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to
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too
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to
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 ignore.
Submitted by 28bhumi96 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure; sentences and paragraphs do not flow logically from one to the other, making it difficult to follow your chain of thought. Make sure each new paragraph or idea builds upon the previous one in a logical sequence.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and a conclusion are present, but they could be more definitive, specifically, the introduction should clearly state the topics that will be discussed, and the conclusion should neatly summarize the argument without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
While main points are present, they are not always relevant to the topic. You should avoid deviating from the key focus of the essay prompt and ensure all main points tie back to the primary argument of whether large shopping malls replacing small local shops is beneficial.
task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the task, but the response should be more complete. It should have a balanced discussion on both views pertaining to the impact of malls on small businesses and society as a whole, including clear advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
You've attempted to convey clear and comprehensive ideas; however, the essay lacks depth and development. To enhance clarity, start with an outline to organize ideas systematically and ensure that each paragraph introduces, explains, and supports a single idea.
task achievement
The essay is scarce in relevant and specific examples which are critical for supporting arguments. Make use of specific, detailed examples to substantiate your claims and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • one-stop shopping
  • diverse products
  • convenience
  • amenities
  • food courts
  • entertainment options
  • local economy
  • commercial activity
  • artisanal
  • niche products
  • customer service
  • homogenization
  • cultural diversity
  • family-owned businesses
  • carbon footprint
  • online shopping
  • consumer preferences
What to do next:
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