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Band 4.5

It is better to have one true friend than all the acquaintances in the world. Do you agree or disagee with this statement.

#friend #acquaintances #world #disagee
Having
one
 genuine
friend
 is better than making all the relations in
this
 universe.
However
, I completely disagree with
this
 statement because having more than just
one
 best
friend
 is more valuable and the step is started by acquaintanceship among many
people
 around us because more true
friends
 are more beneficial.
To begin
 with, the quantity and quality of friendship is really essential for some
people
. It means that they prefer to make relationships with more individuals and are happy to find meaningful friendships among more than
one
 person.
For instance
, from children to
adults
Add a comma
adults,
show examples
people
 can meet many different
people
, so they can start to know each other and continue to make more true
friends
.
Furthermore
, another reason is that having more than
one
 best
friend
 brings more positive impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
’s lives. They not only rely on
one
 close
friend
 but
also
 can count on more of their best
friends
.
For example
, when they experience bad things and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
need support from their
friends
, they can contact some of their best
friends
 to help them and if
one
 of their best
friends
 is busy there is still another
one
 to depend on.
To sum up
, it is a good choice to have more than
one
 soul mate in life. We can spend our lifetime
to start
Verb problem
apply
show examples
making true
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
 with a deep relationship because it leads to positive influence
such
 as becoming the support system and helping each other in need.
Submitted by e.warikar on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your score, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, which is developed and not just listed. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately and ensure paragraphs flow smoothly with logical progression.
Task Achievement
Develop your arguments further by providing more specific examples and supporting details. While you've presented a view and relevant examples, they need to be more specific to illustrate the points more effectively. Make sure all parts of the task are addressed equally and illustrate your points fully to satisfy the requirements of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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