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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Movies with spectacular car chases are a thrill to watch and fun too but they have led to an increase in car accidents on urban roads. Do you agree? What do you think can be done to make the youth more aware of road safety?

#movies #car #chases #thrill #fun #accidents #roads #youth #road #safety
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Although
 it is incredibly fun to watch
car chasing
Add a hyphen
car-chasing
show examples
scenes
 in some movies,
this
 may lead to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increasing rate of
car
accidents
 especially on urban roads. In
this
 essay, I will discuss why I firmly believe that
this
 is true and I will propose some strategies to avoid
further
 adverse impacts on
this
 matter. There are many convincing reasons why
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 particular
scenes
 of
car
 chases are dangerous. First and foremost, we should acknowledge that young people are always curious, specifically
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the
scenes
 that they adore much. In
this
 case, showing the spectacular
car
 chases possibly
urge
Correct subject-verb agreement
urges
show examples
 them to
drive
 fast like what they watch. Another thing to consider is that some youth
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their age do not
pose
Verb problem
possess
show examples
 enough capabilities
in doing
Change preposition
to do
show examples
such
 professional actions. Even if they have been trained to do so, they may lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
some wise consideration in taking the crucial decisions on the road.
As a result
,
this
 exciting yet careless behaviour may lead to the rising
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
car
accidents
.
Further
 effects that may be caused by
these reason
Change the determiner
this reason
these reasons
show examples
 can
be solve
Change the verb form
be solved
show examples
 through some serious initiatives.
Firstly
, it is a must to establish particular regulations on
minimum
Add an article
the minimum
a minimum
show examples
 age for driving on the road. By implementing
this
, those who are still underage would be unable even to try to
drive
, unless they are on training accompanied by adults or professionals. Another
sollution
Correct your spelling
solution
 is providing the proper training as a main requirement before getting
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 legal driving permit.
This
 is because many people
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 driving
permit
Fix the agreement mistake
permits
show examples
 just by paying money to the officials without having enough capabilities to
drive
 wisely. If we take the training seriously, the
accidents
 could possibly be reduced. In conclusion, I agree that the
thrilled
Replace the word
thrilling
show examples
 movie
scenes
 of
car
 chasing might lead to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
car
accidents
 especially for youth as they are typically curious to try what they watch without having proper capabilities.
This
 issue can be tackled by implementing
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 on
minimum
Add an article
the minimum
a minimum
show examples
 age for driving and providing the required training before they get legal
permit
Fix the agreement mistake
permits
show examples
 to
drive
.
Submitted by rahmasalfia on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure from introduction to conclusion, but transitions between ideas could be smoother.
task achievement
You remained on topic and addressed the essay prompt. However, you may want to expand on each main point with more detailed examples for a higher score.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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