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Band 6.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
Advertising is an important aspect for a company to reach their market. These days, the
product
 that a company will be selling is emphasized as a newly made
product
.
This
 essay will show my view about the negative side of
this
 trend.
Firstly
,
this
 is a common trick used by businesses these days which sometimes they label their
product
 as a fresh one but in fact, it is only having a minimal change of the previous version.
For instance
, the famous
iPhone
 by Apple always gets high attention every year for its release. Unfortunately, the high anticipation turned into disappointment for a lot of Apple consumers
due to
 the similarity of the
iPhone
 14 with the prior release of the
iPhone
 13.
This
 shows that a business does not make any improvement or innovation into their
product
 yet still claims it as a brand new one to attract their market.
However
, the disappointment does not change the enthusiasm of some people. There will be consumers who are still willing to spend their money on the item which could lead to consumerism. In fact, Apple users who already
owned
Wrong verb form
own
show examples
 an
iPhone
 13 will still buy the newest version
although
 it is clearly stated that the
product
 is similar. It is clearly seen that
this
 is an unnecessary purchase that could create an excessive amount of trash which led to environmental issues. To summarize, I believe that
this
 type of advertisement by businesses may lead to a negative outcome where human beings are consumptive of a
product
that is
 not a breakthrough.
Submitted by buttercookies28 on

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introduction conclusion present
While your introduction and conclusion are present, improve the distinctiveness of your introduction by clearly paraphrasing the question and outlining your main points. Similarly, ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments presented.
logical structure
The essay demonstrates an adequate logical structure, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. To enhance the flow of your essay, include appropriate linking words and phrases that clearly signal the relationship between ideas.
supported main points
Main points are supported with examples; however, they could be further elaborated on to strengthen the argument. Expand on key points to fully explore their implications and significance to the topic in question.
complete response
You have addressed the task, but there are opportunities to provide a more comprehensive response. To improve, ensure that both sides of the argument (the positive and negative impact of advertising 'new' products) are addressed in depth, as the question requires a discussion of both views.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas are mostly clear, but there's room for a more comprehensive exploration of each point. Aim to develop each paragraph with a clear topic sentence followed by in-depth explanation and analysis to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the material.
relevant specific examples
You've provided relevant examples to support your argument, but make sure to include a wider range of examples or evidence to cover the topic more broadly. This could include contrasting situations or additional perspectives to enrich the essay's content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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