Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays,
smartphones
are essential devices that everyone owns. There are many benefits from using them Use synonyms
due to
the technology development during the past years. Not only adults but Linking Words
also
young people are addicted to Linking Words
smartphones
. Use synonyms
As a result
, some kids spend a lot of time on the devices, so there are discussions about the impacts of using them. Linking Words
This
essay will elaborate on the reasons why there are comments on Linking Words
the
kids’ smartphone utilisation and the reasons why I think that Correct article usage
apply
this
is a positive development.
Linking Words
To begin
with, many adults are concerned with the number of hours that their Linking Words
children
spend on Use synonyms
smartphones
because there are negative health effects. Use synonyms
For example
, the light from Linking Words
this
device can have a bad impact on their eyes. Linking Words
In addition
, some people have muscle pain when they stay in the same position for hours. Linking Words
Furthermore
, some contents are not suitable for Linking Words
children
. The content restriction should be carefully controlled by the parents.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, there are benefits from using the devices. Linking Words
Children
can study from many online sources which provide interesting presentations. It is undeniable that there is a limitation of presentation when the illustration is printed on paper. Use synonyms
For example
, if the student studies the world map in the book, they will see it in the two-dimensional figure. Linking Words
However
, the three-dimensional graphic can be created and shown on the smartphone’s screen. Linking Words
This
is more attractive for learners and can help them to better understand what they are learning.
Linking Words
To sum up
, Linking Words
smartphones
are useful tools for everyone. On the good side, they are beneficial for education purposes. On the other side, they can cause many health issues. Use synonyms
However
, parents can monitor the usage of Linking Words
smartphones
to avoid those problems. In my opinion, Use synonyms
this
is a good development, and the Linking Words
children
have to use it in the future. It is unavoidable.Use synonyms
Submitted by Punpun on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
You did a good job addressing both parts of the task. However, providing more specific examples and evidence would strengthen your arguments. Think about including statistical data, research studies, or specific instances to make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's ideas flow logically from one to another, and you have clear paragraphs. To improve, try to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Using more transitional phrases (such as 'Moreover', 'Conversely', etc.) can help with this.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all points are well-supported. While you mentioned benefits and drawbacks of smartphone use, having more detailed explanations would enhance clarity and depth. Try to discuss the points more deeply, explaining why or how certain effects occur.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well. This helps provide a coherent structure and makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view of both the positive and negative aspects of children using smartphones. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.