Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays,
smartphones
are essential devices that everyone owns. There are many benefits from using them due to
the technology development during the past years. Not only adults but also
young people are addicted to smartphones
. As a result
, some kids spend a lot of time on the devices, so there are discussions about the impacts of using them. This
essay will elaborate on the reasons why there are comments on the
kids’ smartphone utilisation and the reasons why I think that Correct article usage
apply
this
is a positive development.
To begin
with, many adults are concerned with the number of hours that their children
spend on smartphones
because there are negative health effects. For example
, the light from this
device can have a bad impact on their eyes. In addition
, some people have muscle pain when they stay in the same position for hours. Furthermore
, some contents are not suitable for children
. The content restriction should be carefully controlled by the parents.
On the other hand
, there are benefits from using the devices. Children
can study from many online sources which provide interesting presentations. It is undeniable that there is a limitation of presentation when the illustration is printed on paper. For example
, if the student studies the world map in the book, they will see it in the two-dimensional figure. However
, the three-dimensional graphic can be created and shown on the smartphone’s screen. This
is more attractive for learners and can help them to better understand what they are learning.
To sum up
, smartphones
are useful tools for everyone. On the good side, they are beneficial for education purposes. On the other side, they can cause many health issues. However
, parents can monitor the usage of smartphones
to avoid those problems. In my opinion, this
is a good development, and the children
have to use it in the future. It is unavoidable.Submitted by Punpun on
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task achievement
You did a good job addressing both parts of the task. However, providing more specific examples and evidence would strengthen your arguments. Think about including statistical data, research studies, or specific instances to make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's ideas flow logically from one to another, and you have clear paragraphs. To improve, try to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Using more transitional phrases (such as 'Moreover', 'Conversely', etc.) can help with this.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all points are well-supported. While you mentioned benefits and drawbacks of smartphone use, having more detailed explanations would enhance clarity and depth. Try to discuss the points more deeply, explaining why or how certain effects occur.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well. This helps provide a coherent structure and makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view of both the positive and negative aspects of children using smartphones. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
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