Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays,

smartphones

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are essential devices that everyone owns. There are many benefits from using them

due to

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the technology development during the past years. Not only adults but

also

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young people are addicted to

smartphones

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As a result

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, some kids spend a lot of time on the devices, so there are discussions about the impacts of using them.

This

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essay will elaborate on the reasons why there are comments on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

kids’ smartphone utilisation and the reasons why I think that

this

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is a positive development.

To begin

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with, many adults are concerned with the number of hours that their

children

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spend on

smartphones

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because there are negative health effects.

For example

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, the light from

this

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device can have a bad impact on their eyes.

In addition

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, some people have muscle pain when they stay in the same position for hours.

Furthermore

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, some contents are not suitable for

children

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. The content restriction should be carefully controlled by the parents.

On the other hand

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, there are benefits from using the devices.

Children

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can study from many online sources which provide interesting presentations. It is undeniable that there is a limitation of presentation when the illustration is printed on paper.

For example

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, if the student studies the world map in the book, they will see it in the two-dimensional figure.

However

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, the three-dimensional graphic can be created and shown on the smartphone’s screen.

This

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is more attractive for learners and can help them to better understand what they are learning.

To sum up

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smartphones

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are useful tools for everyone. On the good side, they are beneficial for education purposes. On the other side, they can cause many health issues.

However

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, parents can monitor the usage of

smartphones

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to avoid those problems. In my opinion,

this

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is a good development, and the

children

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have to use it in the future. It is unavoidable.

PunpunThu May 16 2024

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task achievement

You did a good job addressing both parts of the task. However, providing more specific examples and evidence would strengthen your arguments. Think about including statistical data, research studies, or specific instances to make your points more compelling.

coherence cohesion

Your essay's ideas flow logically from one to another, and you have clear paragraphs. To improve, try to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Using more transitional phrases (such as 'Moreover', 'Conversely', etc.) can help with this.

coherence cohesion

Ensure all points are well-supported. While you mentioned benefits and drawbacks of smartphone use, having more detailed explanations would enhance clarity and depth. Try to discuss the points more deeply, explaining why or how certain effects occur.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well. This helps provide a coherent structure and makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.

task achievement

You provided a balanced view of both the positive and negative aspects of children using smartphones. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

310 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people think that cities are the best places to live. Others prefer to live in a rural area. Compare the advantages and disadvantages of living in the city to living in the countrysid.

Spoken communication is more important than written communication. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person?

With the recent improvement to the internet, people can leave views or opinions on certain goods or services that they have purchased. Is it a good or bad thing. Discuss both views.