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Band 4

Living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#cities #people #health
It is often argued that people have more
health
 problems especially when they live in larger
cities
.
While
 I agree with
this
 statement, I believe that they have immense benefits considering the standard of living.
This
 essay will discuss my opinion in detail with relevant examples. On the one hand, pollution is one of the major issues which cause significant
health
 impacts on individuals in big
cities
.
That is
 to say that too many cars on the city roads
due to
 overpopulation
emits
Correct subject-verb agreement
emit
show examples
 exhaust fumes which has resulted in breathing problems among the public
such
 as asthma and lung diseases.
For instance
, a recent study found that the percentage of air quality particularly in bigger
cities
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 lower than the recommended level which could cause
dreadly
Correct your spelling
deadly
dread
 diseases to humans.
On the other hand
, living in urban regions gives easy access to facilities and opportunities.
In other words
, citizens
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of services
such
 as healthcare,
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 schools and better job opportunities, despite the disadvantages.
Furthermore
, they can lead a high-standard living so that they can opt for
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 treatments in order to cure their issues concerning
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health
.
For example
, people could prefer to use air filtration masks to filter the impurities and breathe fresher air. In conclusion,
although
health
 issues are one of the concerns in well-established
cities
, I think people have immense benefits in terms
accessing
Change preposition
of accessing
show examples
 facilities which let them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
have a great life in
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
cities
.
Submitted by jeeanay on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the paragraph develops that idea fully with appropriate supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Work on variety in sentence structures, aiming for a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to demonstrate language flexibility.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to lexical resource - try to use a broader range of vocabulary and avoid repetition where possible.
task achievement
Provide a more thorough analysis of the topic by exploring the issues more deeply and presenting a more detailed discussion.
task achievement
Use more targeted, specific examples to support your arguments and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
When giving examples, ensure they are fully developed and directly related to the main points made in your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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