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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Students in schools and universities learn more from their teachers than through other means such as the Internet, libraries, and TV. To what extent you agree or disagree?

#students #schools #universities #teachers #internet #libraries #tv
Some people believe that
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
, TV, libraries and other technology can better teach students than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teachers
.
While
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I strongly disagree with
this
 statement, because individuals can have better conversations with
teachers
 in
class
 and it is about clear
data
 and
information
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
provide
Wrong verb form
provided
show examples
teachers
Change preposition
to teachers
show examples
 at schools and universities.
Firstly
, if individuals study with some technology without help from the teacher, it means that in
this
class
 will not have
conversation
Add an article
a conversation
the conversation
show examples
. It is undeniable, that communicating about the topic with classmates and with
teacher
Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
show examples
 during the
class
 will have
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
 on your learning
better
Rephrase
apply
show examples
and understanding
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 topic clearly.
For instance
, for me better way to fully catch the statements that I have in
lesson
Add an article
a lesson
the lesson
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
talk about it with my friends.
Also
, clear
data
 and clear
information
 are important in searching and studying. Many sites on the
internet
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 some false
information
 and sometimes there is different
data
 that provide
internet
 in different sites.
For example
, when I was younger, I had homework to
search
Verb problem
do
show examples
 about our ancient Rome.
However
, during the
search
Add a comma
search,
show examples
 I saw a lot of
data
 and
information
 which is on the
internet
 about one topic. I
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 not decide
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 of the the
data
believe
Wrong verb form
believed
show examples
, but
then
 I found it easily by lecture which
write
Wrong verb form
wrote
show examples
my
Change preposition
to my
show examples
 teacher in the lesson.
To sum up
 all mentioned before, strongly disagree with
this
 statement, because individuals can have better conversations with
teachers
 in
class
 and it is about clear
data
 and
information
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
provide
Wrong verb form
provided
show examples
teachers
Change preposition
to teachers
show examples
 at schools and universities.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a limited use of cohesive devices and lacks a clear progression of ideas. To improve, ensure that paragraphs are well-structured, with clear topic sentences and logical sequencing of ideas. Also, make better use of linking words and transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
task achievement
You have attempted to address the task, but your response is under-developed. Your ideas are not fully extended, and examples are not sufficiently specific or detailed. To enhance your score, work on fully responding to the prompt by developing each point with specific details and examples. Ensure that each paragraph explores a clear main idea in depth, and avoid superficial treatment of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • direct instruction
  • personalize
  • learning experience
  • immediate feedback
  • clarification
  • social skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • vast amount
  • information
  • resources
  • self-directed learning
  • independence
  • critical thinking
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