Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In recent years, many individuals with health problems have tried to heal the disease by themselves by using
medicines
Use synonyms
and treatments
instead
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of going to an expert. I believe that it is a negative development for humans because it can make the situation worse and it can cause
depression
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in some people. Some
medicines
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can affect the sickness badly because some people do not know which medication to use to make themselves feel better.
Therefore
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, they feel more sick than ever and feel disappointed because they were sure that they would heal.
For example
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, in the United States
medicines
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are sold in grocery stores because the majority of citizens do not want to go to a doctor because it costs too much.
Furthermore
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, they purchase
medicines
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to help themselves.
However
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, they do not see any signs of healing and they get disappointed because they are sure that they can heal. Many individuals are dealing with
depression
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because they are disappointed with the medicine and treatment results. So, they tend to take more medication because they are sure that it will make them feel better.
Therefore
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, the risk of death can appear.
For instance
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, in Germany, there are a lot of citizens who have taken more doses of medication than they should be dealing with
depression
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because they are not happy with the results and the majority die because they get overdosed. In conclusion, people who try to heal themselves with treatments make the healing process more complicated and it can cause mental health problems
such
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as
depression
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. I believe that the person who deals with sickness should take advice from a doctor to prevent negative developments.

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coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between ideas. Consider using linking words like "furthermore," "in addition," etc., more consistently throughout your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. While examples from the United States and Germany are relevant, more detailed and varied instances could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured introduction and conclusion, clearly stating your opinion and summarizing your arguments effectively.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt directly and provides a clear opinion on the issue of alternative medicines and treatments.
task achievement
The main ideas are communicated clearly, with logical reasoning behind your opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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