Many parents encourage young people to leave home when the become older. While others thinks that they should stay at home with family. Discouse both views and give your own opinion.

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Many families try to

convice

Correct your spelling

convince

the younger generations to leave

house

Add an article

the house

show examples

when they

get

Verb problem

become

show examples

adults

while

Linking Words

others

wants

Change the verb form

want

show examples

them to stay at

home

Use synonyms

. I will discuss each

perspectives

Change to a singular noun

perspective

show examples

and share my own opinion. On the one side,

children

Use synonyms

are suggested by

parents

Use synonyms

to leave

home

Use synonyms

when they graduate from high school,

being

Correct word choice

and being

show examples

independence

Replace the word

independent

show examples

is one of the

reason

Change to a plural noun

reasons

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

this

show examples

. When living far from family,

children

Use synonyms

will learn

problem solving

Add a hyphen

problem-solving

show examples

skills

as well as

Linking Words

discovering new connections.

For example

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

in Indonesia mostly attend university in

diffrent

Correct your spelling

different

region

Fix the agreement mistake

regions

show examples

from their area. It is indeed

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

an intention

from

Change preposition

show examples

parents

Use synonyms

to push their

children

Use synonyms

to gain experience from living far from them and make friends with people from diverse

background

Fix the agreement mistake

backgrounds

show examples

. On the

another

Correct quantifier usage

other

show examples

side, contrary to an earlier view, many

parents

Use synonyms

are trying to keep their

children

Use synonyms

to stay at

home

Use synonyms

. I suggest that the main factor is psychological thing, having

children

Use synonyms

around can boost

Use synonyms

parents

Change noun form

parents'

parent's

show examples

mental condition as sometimes leaving far from families can

caused

Change the verb form

cause

be caused

show examples

homesick

Replace the word

homesickness

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

, some

eldery

Correct your spelling

elderly

got

Wrong verb form

get

show examples

mental

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

after being left by their sons or

daughter

Fix the agreement mistake

daughters

show examples

. Based on mental research, most of the

children

Use synonyms

lost contact with their family and

this

Linking Words

condition makes

eledery

Correct your spelling

elderly

suffer. In conclusion, going out from

house

Correct article usage

the house

show examples

can be beneficial for

children

Use synonyms

as they can get

indepedency

Correct your spelling

independency

independence

and experience

while

Linking Words

staying at

home

Use synonyms

with

parents

Use synonyms

can maintain their mental state. I believe that it is more

convinient

Correct your spelling

convenient

to do both getting out for experience and

Change preposition

show examples

some point

need to

Verb problem

show examples

get

Wrong verb form

getting

show examples

back around the family so we can keep the harmony.

ryanrush16Wed Nov 29 2023

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coherence cohesion

Make sure that your essay has a clear logical structure. Each paragraph should have one main idea that is developed and not just stated.

coherence cohesion

Work on smooth transitions between paragraphs. Connective words and phrases should be used to show the relationships between ideas.

task achievement

Enlarge on your main points with explanations and examples that are directly related to the topic. Provide specific examples to showcase a deeper understanding of the subject.

task achievement

Pay attention to the prompt and make sure you discuss both views thoroughly. It's important to balance the treatment of each view without leaning overly on one side. Also, provide a clear personal stance in the conclusion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

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