Many parents encourage young people to leave home when the become older. While others thinks that they should stay at home with family. Discouse both views and give your own opinion.

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Many families try to
convice
Correct your spelling
convince

If you don’t want convice to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

the younger generations to leave
house
Add an article
the house

The noun phrase house seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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when they
get
Verb problem
become

There may be a verb use issue here.

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adults
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

others
wants
Change the verb form
want

The singular verb wants does not appear to agree with the plural subject others. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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them to stay at
home
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. I will discuss each
perspectives
Change to a singular noun
perspective

The singular quantifier each is followed by the plural noun perspectives. Consider changing the noun to the singular or using a different quantifier.

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and share my own opinion. On the one side,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are suggested by
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to leave
home
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

when they graduate from high school,
being
Correct word choice
and being

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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independence
Replace the word
independent

The word independence doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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is one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons

The singular countable noun reason follows the quantifier one, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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it
Correct pronoun usage
this

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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. When living far from family,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

will learn
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving

It appears that problem solving is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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skills
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

discovering new connections.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in Indonesia mostly attend university in
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different

If you don’t want diffrent to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions

It seems that region may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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from their area. It is indeed
with
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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an intention
from
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to push their
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to gain experience from living far from them and make friends with people from diverse
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds

It seems that background may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. On the
another
Correct quantifier usage
other

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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side, contrary to an earlier view, many
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are trying to keep their
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to stay at
home
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. I suggest that the main factor is psychological thing, having
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

around can boost
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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mental condition as sometimes leaving far from families can
caused
Change the verb form
cause
be caused

The verb caused after the modal verb can does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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homesick
Replace the word
homesickness

The word homesick doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly

If you don’t want eldery to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

got
Wrong verb form
get

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb got. Consider changing it.

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mental
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems

It seems that problem may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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after being left by their sons or
daughter
Fix the agreement mistake
daughters

It seems that daughter may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
. Based on mental research, most of the
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

lost contact with their family and
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

condition makes
eledery
Correct your spelling
elderly

If you don’t want eledery to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

suffer. In conclusion, going out from
house
Correct article usage
the house

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
can be beneficial for
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as they can get
indepedency
Correct your spelling
independency
independence

If you don’t want indepedency to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and experience
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

staying at
home
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can maintain their mental state. I believe that it is more
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient

If you don’t want convinient to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to do both getting out for experience and
in
Change preposition
at

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
some point
need to
Verb problem
,

There may be a verb use issue here.

show examples
get
Wrong verb form
getting

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb get. Consider changing it.

show examples
back around the family so we can keep the harmony.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that your essay has a clear logical structure. Each paragraph should have one main idea that is developed and not just stated.
coherence cohesion
Work on smooth transitions between paragraphs. Connective words and phrases should be used to show the relationships between ideas.
task achievement
Enlarge on your main points with explanations and examples that are directly related to the topic. Provide specific examples to showcase a deeper understanding of the subject.
task achievement
Pay attention to the prompt and make sure you discuss both views thoroughly. It's important to balance the treatment of each view without leaning overly on one side. Also, provide a clear personal stance in the conclusion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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