IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some countries, celebrities complain about the way the media publicize their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame. Do you agree?

#countries #celebrities #media #lives #people #part #fame
In recent years,
there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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have been
celebrities
complained
Replace the word
complaints
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 about their life privacy
became
Wrong verb form
have become
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 publicized by
media
Correct article usage
the media
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publicize
Verb problem
apply
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. As
such
 there are agreement and disagreement to
this
 situation,
although
 I opine that its disagreements outweigh the agreements. In my opinion, I agree
for
Change preposition
to
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 some
extents
Fix the agreement mistake
extent
show examples
, because
celebrities
 have their lives outside being
an idols
Correct the article-noun agreement
an idol
idols
show examples
. In
this
 essay, I will examine all the relevant arguments based on factual premises. Nowadays, the
media
 puclicize has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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tried their best to find
numerous
Fix the agreement mistake
a lot of
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 information about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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celebrities
, because it is their occupation. The
celebrity
 choose
this
 profession, and they must know about the consequences
from
Change preposition
of
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this
 line of work.
For example
,
a
Correct word choice
if a
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KPop Idol
who have
Verb problem
is
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fame
Replace the word
famous
show examples
, all of their fans want to know the details
activities
Change preposition
of activities
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 that they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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due to
this
 the
media
 will look
this
Change preposition
at this
show examples
 as a new opportunity to gain money.
However
,
on the other hand
,
celebrities
 have
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 right to choose what kind of matters
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they want to publish.
Moreover
, some
media
 sometimes choose
the
Correct article usage
apply
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controversial information about the
celebrity
 just to obtain followers
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
media
. It can be harmful to the
celebrity
Change noun form
celebrity's
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 future.
For instance
, a reporter capture an inappropriate photo and post it
in
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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social
media
 before asking for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
approval, and it can be disastered for
idol
Correct article usage
an idol
show examples
 career. In conclusion, even though, they are a
celebrity
, they have
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 right to choose everything especially
that
Correct pronoun usage
those that
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 have
correlation
Add an article
a correlation
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 with themselves.
Moreover
, they can not
too
Add a missing verb
be too
show examples
closed
Replace the word
close
show examples
from
Change preposition
to
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media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
, because it is how their job work.
In addition
, being
open minded
Add a hyphen
open-minded
show examples
 as a
celebrity
 can help to stay famous and gain numerous job activities in the future.
Submitted by gladysdharmawan1994 on

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Introduction
Ensure your introduction includes a clear thesis statement indicating your own position.
Cohesion
Use a range of linking devices to connect ideas more coherently.
Main Points
Develop main points with specific examples and a more in-depth analysis to support your argument.
Lexical Resource
Avoid repeating the same vocabulary and structure; vary your language for clarity and to demonstrate range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Work on grammatical accuracy and range; proofread to eliminate errors in sentence structure and word form.
Tone
Ensure a consistent and formal writing style to maintain academic tone.
Relevance
Stick closely to the topic throughout the essay and ensure that the conclusion reflects the information in the body paragraphs.
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