IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The developments in Happy valley shopping center from 1982 to 2012 is represent by maps

#developments #valley #center #maps
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The images illustrate detailed information about how the Happy Valley shopping centre developed in the space of three decades.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 there was a noticeable enhancement in the structure of the Mall, mainly commercial facilities and parking for cars
Moreover
, it is
also
 apparent that the Entertainment area, Toilet and woodland remained unchanged over the period. In detail, there was a lake on the left side of the map in 1982 before it was demolished to build new Furniture retail.
For instance
, the modern Parking lot at the bottom of the Furniture store was situated by designers in 2012.
Besides
 that,
entrance
Add an article
the entrance
show examples
 has been replaced inside the building. Focusing on the inside of the Mall construction, there was a coffee shop on the left side of the tower in 1982, afterwards it was destroyed totally after 30 years.
Whereas
, in 2012 themed restaurant was built
instead
 of a Sports Electronics and Furniture store on the right side. Sports and Electronics marketplace was replaced on the top of the Mall.
Last
 but not least, the Toilet and Elevator did not change until the end of the period.
Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly paraphrases the essay topic and outlines the overall trend. Avoid providing specific details in the introduction; they should be included in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Make use of varied cohesive devices and paragraphing to enhance clarity. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and the essay flows logically from one idea to the next.
task achievement
Provide detailed comparisons and developments between different years where applicable, and support your main points with specific examples. Be cautious of using overly general statements without specific evidences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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