Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes after they are realesed. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this problem?

Based on
Correct article usage
a rencent
show examples
rencent
Correct your spelling
recent
study, criminals who are released tend to commit illegal acts again.
This
essay will focus on some causes of
this
dilemma and offer some solutions to them. The first reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
issue
Add an article
an issue
the issue
show examples
is the difficulty to
intergrate
Correct your spelling
integrate
into
society
Add an article
the society
a society
show examples
of
people
who are released from prison.
In other words
, they are considered as bad
people
so they are not respected.
For example
, it is very hard for them to apply for a job. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
, they tend to commit crimes again
such
as steal because they need money to live. One way to solve
this
problem is for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
support
Fix the infinitive
to support
show examples
prisoners after they are released.
This
means that government should provide jobs for them to help them earn money for livelihood.
Therefore
, they can contribute to
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
development so
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
can be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
normal
people
.
The another
Remove the article
Another
show examples
cause of
this
problem is criminals cannot realize their
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
. The reason for
this
is that penalties are not enough
strict
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
so prisoners tend to break the law again. One way to deal with
this
problem would be for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
enact
Fix the infinitive
to enact
show examples
strict punishment on illegal activities
such
as hefty fines and lengthy prison
sentence
Fix the agreement mistake
sentences
show examples
. As a
consequences
Correct the article-noun agreement
consequence
show examples
, criminals are fear and they will not commit
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
again.
To sum up
, there are two visible causes of
people
who are released
break
Wrong verb form
breaking
show examples
the law again and there are two ways to solve
this
issue.
Submitted by nemm0312 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a partial understanding of the prompt, reflecting the lack of depth in exploring the reasons behind re-offending and sparingly offering solutions. More comprehensive analysis and expansion of ideas are required for a higher band score.
coherence cohesion
There were some logical sequences observed in your essay; however, transitions between ideas were abrupt and disjointed, impacting the flow of information. A more organized structure with clear connections between points will significantly improve coherence.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Recidivism
  • Rehabilitation
  • Reintegration
  • Marginalization
  • Vocational training
  • Psychological counseling
  • Sentencing laws
  • Community-based programs
  • Anti-discrimination laws
  • Employment bias
  • Probation system
  • Social stigma
What to do next:
Look at other essays: