IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that cars are the best way to travel in a city, while others think that bicycle is better. Discuss both point of views and give your opinion

A bunch of
people
Use synonyms
 think that travelling by
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
car
Use synonyms
 within a city is the only best
option
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 another group prefers
bicycles
Use synonyms
. Both vehicles have fairly different benefits and issues. It all depends on the personal choice
one
Use synonyms
 prefers,
such
Linking Words
 as a comfortable,
dirt free
Add a hyphen
dirt-free
show examples
 ride by
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car
Use synonyms
 or a healthy and
traffic free
Add a hyphen
traffic-free
show examples
 ride on a bicycle. In my opinion, the second ideology has more weightage as
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 always better to opt
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
environment friendly
Add a hyphen
environment-friendly
show examples
option
Use synonyms
. First and foremost,
Use synonyms
cars
Change the noun form
car
show examples
 production has increased over
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 based on the immense demand. Statistically,
people
Use synonyms
 have bought more
cars
Use synonyms
last
Linking Words
 year since its origin.
This
Linking Words
 gives a clear idea that comfort comes
first,
Linking Words
when a person commutes from home to
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
, the only thing that matters is an easy chill ride.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in a
car
Use synonyms
one
Use synonyms
 doesn’t
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to face the harsh air outside and destroy the skin,
one
Use synonyms
 can close windows put an air conditioner or heater on and travel enjoying the music.
Thus
Linking Words
, a
car
Use synonyms
 can always be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
preferred over any other ride.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
bicycles
Use synonyms
 are always a healthy
option
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 starts using
bicycles
Use synonyms
 the world can be healthier today as it will serve as a daily exercise for
people
Use synonyms
 in their busy routines.
Secondly
Linking Words
, today, when everyone is in a hurry, more traffic jams are seen on the road as everyone owns a
car
Use synonyms
. Here,
bicycles
Use synonyms
 can save
this
Linking Words
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
 of time,
one
Use synonyms
 can make shortcuts and reach the destination on time.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a big
car
Use synonyms
 polluting the atmosphere, blocking the whole road and
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
actually carrying only
one
Use synonyms
 person doesn’t really make sense.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is essential that
people
Use synonyms
 pick
bicycles
Use synonyms
 for day-to-day
routines
Fix the agreement mistake
routine
show examples
 travel within the city. In conclusion, some
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 consider
cars
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 travel and others
Linking Words
instead
Rephrase
apply
show examples
like
bicycles
Use synonyms
 better. Both rides are widely used
however
Linking Words
,
cars
Use synonyms
 define comfort
while
Linking Words
bicycles
Use synonyms
 are healthier. If I summarize
this
Linking Words
, both can be of great use,
one
Use synonyms
 must pick based on
requirement
Add an article
the requirement
show examples
 at that moment. I opine more with the bicycle rides as a healthy and
environment friendly
Add a hyphen
environment-friendly
show examples
option
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that you explore both views independently and in equal measure, and sufficiently develop each viewpoint with clear arguments and supporting details. Avoid uneven development of points which may not fully satisfy the requirement of presenting a balanced view of both sides.
coherence cohesion
Your essay needs to have a clear logical progression. Use a range of cohesive devices to structure your response appropriately. Your ideas are somewhat organized, but there are some abrupt jumps and a lack of clear topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • comfort
  • faster transportation
  • flexibility
  • routes
  • destinations
  • passengers
  • loads
  • health benefits
  • environmental benefits
  • sustainable lifestyle
  • cost-effective
  • maneuverability
  • congested areas
What to do next:
Look at other essays: