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Band 4.5

Some people think that cars are the best way to travel in a city, while others think that bicycle is better. Discuss both point of views and give your opinion

#people #cars #travel #city #bicycle #point
A bunch of
people
 think that travelling by
a
Remove the article
apply
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car
 within a city is the only best
option
while
 another group prefers
bicycles
. Both vehicles have fairly different benefits and issues. It all depends on the personal choice
one
 prefers,
such
 as a comfortable,
dirt free
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dirt-free
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 ride by
a
Correct article usage
apply
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car
 or a healthy and
traffic free
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traffic-free
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 ride on a bicycle. In my opinion, the second ideology has more weightage as
its
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it's
it is
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 always better to opt
the
Change preposition
for the
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environment friendly
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environment-friendly
show examples
option
. First and foremost,
cars
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car
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 production has increased over
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 based on the immense demand. Statistically,
people
 have bought more
cars
last
 year since its origin.
This
 gives a clear idea that comfort comes
first,
when a person commutes from home to
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
, the only thing that matters is an easy chill ride.
Secondly
, in a
car
one
 doesn’t
has
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have
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 to face the harsh air outside and destroy the skin,
one
 can close windows put an air conditioner or heater on and travel enjoying the music.
Thus
, a
car
 can always be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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preferred over any other ride.
On the other hand
,
bicycles
 are always a healthy
option
.
Firstly
, if
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 starts using
bicycles
 the world can be healthier today as it will serve as a daily exercise for
people
 in their busy routines.
Secondly
, today, when everyone is in a hurry, more traffic jams are seen on the road as everyone owns a
car
. Here,
bicycles
 can save
this
wastage
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waste
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 of time,
one
 can make shortcuts and reach the destination on time.
Moreover
, a big
car
 polluting the atmosphere, blocking the whole road and
is
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apply
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actually carrying only
one
 person doesn’t really make sense.
Hence
, it is essential that
people
 pick
bicycles
 for day-to-day
routines
Fix the agreement mistake
routine
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 travel within the city. In conclusion, some
group
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groups
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 of
people
 consider
cars
to
Change preposition
for
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 travel and others
instead
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apply
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like
bicycles
 better. Both rides are widely used
however
,
cars
 define comfort
while
bicycles
 are healthier. If I summarize
this
, both can be of great use,
one
 must pick based on
requirement
Add an article
the requirement
show examples
 at that moment. I opine more with the bicycle rides as a healthy and
environment friendly
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environment-friendly
show examples
option
.
Submitted by abid.srm on

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task achievement
Ensure that you explore both views independently and in equal measure, and sufficiently develop each viewpoint with clear arguments and supporting details. Avoid uneven development of points which may not fully satisfy the requirement of presenting a balanced view of both sides.
coherence cohesion
Your essay needs to have a clear logical progression. Use a range of cohesive devices to structure your response appropriately. Your ideas are somewhat organized, but there are some abrupt jumps and a lack of clear topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • comfort
  • faster transportation
  • flexibility
  • routes
  • destinations
  • passengers
  • loads
  • health benefits
  • environmental benefits
  • sustainable lifestyle
  • cost-effective
  • maneuverability
  • congested areas
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