IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #attention
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A controversial issue today relates to whether advertisements have a great impact on our purchase
decision
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decisions
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 or they are becoming so familiar that we rarely notice them.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of
this
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 argument and
then
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 I will give my own perspectives. On the one hand, there are
people
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 who argue that advertising activities play an important role in our purchases. The primary reason for
this
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 belief is that consumers tend to buy
products
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 promoted by celebrities or
people
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 with big influences on social media platforms
such
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 as
Tiktok
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TikTok
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 or Instagram. The fact is that lots of ordinary
people
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 trust their idols and are willing to buy anything they recommend. Another cause is the frequent appearance of these goods on various channels to potential purchasers, which triggers them to buy advertised
products
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.
In addition
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, promotional programs
also
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 affect the buying
decision
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decisions
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 of some individuals.
People
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, in general, prefer goods offered with incentives, the higher the discount is, the more
products
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 are sold.
On the other hand
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, it is argued that in recent years advertisements
are
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have become
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 so widespread that they do not draw much attention from viewers anymore. In fact, we are all overwhelmed by the majority of advertisements on different means of media
such
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 as television, social media or even public places like billboards or bus stops.
As a result
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, most customers are highly likely to forget adverts about
products
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 or services that they have ever been exposed to. More than that, many companies apply the puffery technique in introducing their
products
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 to customers so smart users are becoming more cautious/aware before making any shopping decisions. In conclusion, even though many
people
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 suppose that advertising activities are not successful anymore, I still hold a firm belief that they still have a profound impact on customers’ decisions.
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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure with clear paragraphing, which aids readability. Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence to orient the reader.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and articulate the main ideas effectively. For improvement, refine the linking of these sections to each other to enhance the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported, but for a higher score, develop your arguments further with more specific and varied examples to strengthen the persuasive power of the essay.
task achievement
The essay fulfills the task by discussing both views and presenting a personal opinion. To improve, ensure all parts of the prompt are addressed with the same detail and depth.
task achievement
The ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, with a structured view presented. Enhancing the complexity of ideas and their development will lead to a higher band score.
task achievement
Specific examples are used but could be more detailed and relevant to clearly support the arguments. Use a wider range of concrete examples and data to substantiate claims.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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