Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual docto

There are different opinions on whether to choose
alternative
medicines
or consider doctor
medicines
.
This
essay will elaborate
why
Change preposition
on why
show examples
I believe that visiting doctors is the best way to overcome
illness
or injuries.
Firstly
,
alternative
medicines
could have a bad impact on people's health.
Although
some would argue that several
alternative
medicines
are herbal, there is no proof
clinically
Rephrase
apply
show examples
by
dermatologist
Fix the agreement mistake
dermatologists
show examples
that the
medicines
can heal the sickness.
For instance
, some said that washing eyes with certain kinds of leaves can heal
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eye problems. In fact, rather than solving the problem, the sickness could get worse.
Secondly
,
alternative
medicines
do not use a proper test to identify the real
illness
. They
also
do not have a certification for their practices. Eventually, it could lead to some misidentification of the
illness
because the
alternative
medicine only interprets the sickness by
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
.
For example
, a victim
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
a car accident who experiences a fracture sometimes tends to go to massage treatment
instead
of going to the hospital. Rather than
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
the best remedy for the
illness
, it just delays the best time for treating the patient properly.
To conclude
, from my point of view, visiting a doctor should be a priority for people rather than trying
alternative
medicines
. Abandoning doctors to try other untrusted treatments is a negative development considering not everyone knows their bodies well and the difficulty to prove the effectiveness of these
medicines
. People should
take
Verb problem
consult
show examples
their doctor to solve their health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
so the
illness
or injuries
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
be treated appropriately as soon as possible.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
You need to ensure that your essay contains a clear main idea in each paragraph that connects to the overall position stated in your introduction and conclusion. Consistency in your argument throughout the essay is key.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay could be improved by making clearer connections between ideas with the use of cohesive devices. Transitions should not just signal the beginning of new paragraphs but also relate back to the previous content for an overall seamless flow.
coherence cohesion
Main ideas need clear support and elaboration that are relevant to the topic. Your examples should be specific enough to convincingly illustrate the points you are making.
task achievement
Your response should be fully developed to answer all parts of the task. This includes addressing the prompt completely and not just focusing on one aspect of it.
task achievement
Ideas should be clearly communicated with comprehensive arguments. Strategies include clearly explaining the reasoning behind your opinion and expanding on how it addresses the topic.
task achievement
Use a range of relevant examples to support your arguments, ensuring the examples given directly support the claim you are making in the paragraph. Generic examples weaken the overall response.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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