In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society

In our rapidly evolving society, the role of age is becoming more decisive in terms of the workforce and others.

It is clear that

, in the future, the

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population

factor will be crucial to

overall

development.

Although

this

indicator presents some benefits, I believe that the drawbacks associated with it are far greater. An

aging

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ageing

show examples

population

has a number of disadvantages.

Firstly

, they are not suited to hazardous environments, so they will reduce our evolutionary pace. Eventually,

governments

should invest money in facilities for senior citizens;

consequently

, money from taxes will be used in a non-efficient way.

In addition

, adults had to look after their elderly parents, who were unable to do anything. It means they need care.

As a result

governments

lose their employees. Family members tend to have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

full-time

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

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, which means that there is no time for relatives to care for elderly people, and they depend on the government.

Lastly

, the authorities waste a huge amount of vital resources to maintain older individuals. Despite these significant disadvantages, an

aging

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ageing

show examples

population

, on its own, has some benefits.

For instance

, they can share their experience, and we, the youngsters, could consider it and create a better society. Another advantage,

such

as wisdom and judgment, can be allowed. In my opinion, caring for elderly people was traditionally the responsibility of families and

governments

. The government can

also

depend on seniors in terms of education, where the older generation can be

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apply

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good

professor

Fix the agreement mistake

professors

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. An

aging

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ageing

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population

is unable to do hard work, and

governments

can make an agreement with them, which consists of only repetitive, handmade work. In conclusion,

governments

depend mostly on youngsters.

In contrast

, elderly seniors are just a heavy burden on government policy.

This

is why I believe that the disadvantages of

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

people clearly outweigh the potential benefits.

Submitted by ielts8bandplus on Wed Nov 29 2023

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task achievement

Ensure clarity when presenting your arguments, and avoid contradictory statements. For example, stating that the government can depend on seniors for education roles while also labeling them as 'unable to do hard work' can be confusing.

task achievement

Provide clear and specific examples to support your points. Unsupported statements weaken the overall argumentation of the essay. For a higher task achievement score, reference studies, statistics, or historical examples.

coherence cohesion

Work on constructing paragraphs that flow logically from one to the next. Use transitional phrases and make sure that each paragraph supports a coherent idea in line with your thesis statement.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the logical flow of ideas and enhance the essay's overall structure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

304 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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