In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?
In our rapidly evolving society, the role of age is becoming more decisive in terms of the workforce and others.
It is clear that
, in the future, the aging
Change the spelling
ageing
population
factor will be crucial to overall
development. Although
this
indicator presents some benefits, I believe that the drawbacks associated with it are far greater.
An aging
Change the spelling
ageing
population
has a number of disadvantages. Firstly
, they are not suited to hazardous environments, so they will reduce our evolutionary pace. Eventually, governments
should invest money in facilities for senior citizens; consequently
, money from taxes will be used in a non-efficient way. In addition
, adults had to look after their elderly parents, who were unable to do anything. It means they need care. As a result
, governments
lose their employees. Family members tend to have a
full-time Correct article usage
apply
job
, which means that there is no time for relatives to care for elderly people, and they depend on the government. Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
Lastly
, the authorities waste a huge amount of vital resources to maintain older individuals.
Despite these significant disadvantages, an aging
Change the spelling
ageing
population
, on its own, has some benefits. For instance
, they can share their experience, and we, the youngsters, could consider it and create a better society. Another advantage, such
as wisdom and judgment, can be allowed. In my opinion, caring for elderly people was traditionally the responsibility of families and governments
. The government can also
depend on seniors in terms of education, where the older generation can be a
good Correct article usage
apply
professor
. An Fix the agreement mistake
professors
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
population
is unable to do hard work, and governments
can make an agreement with them, which consists of only repetitive, handmade work.
In conclusion, governments
depend mostly on youngsters. In contrast
, elderly seniors are just a heavy burden on government policy. This
is why I believe that the disadvantages of aging
people clearly outweigh the potential benefits.Change the spelling
ageing
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task achievement
Ensure clarity when presenting your arguments, and avoid contradictory statements. For example, stating that the government can depend on seniors for education roles while also labeling them as 'unable to do hard work' can be confusing.
task achievement
Provide clear and specific examples to support your points. Unsupported statements weaken the overall argumentation of the essay. For a higher task achievement score, reference studies, statistics, or historical examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on constructing paragraphs that flow logically from one to the next. Use transitional phrases and make sure that each paragraph supports a coherent idea in line with your thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the logical flow of ideas and enhance the essay's overall structure.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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