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Band 6.5

In some parts of world , it’s becoming increasingly popular to try to find out the history of their own family, why do you think people do this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#parts #world #it’s #history #people #development
Nowadays, the desire to explore the records about inherited lines of descent is gradually attracting more attention from
people
, which is connected with their curiosity to gather information about their ancestors’ habits. From my perspective,
this
 tendency is beneficial, as it will contribute to finding out different health problems in family trees and eliminate their adverse consequences in the early stage.
To begin
 with, the past and the history of the family always capture
offspring's
Correct article usage
the offspring's
show examples
 interest, as they try to discover fascinating facts about their previous generation, which will promote them to comprehend themselves and their peculiarities.
Moreover
, some talents and skills
people
 inherit with their blood,
hence
 it is inspiring to be aware that there were successful relatives in the tribe, who shared the same capacities and attained recognition in the same path. To illustrate
this
, research made by Cambridge University shows that, of
people
, whose grandparents were musicians, eighty per cent of the cases are more confident than others
while
 opting for the career of a singer. To say more, conducting research about family history can be efficient, as
people
 can investigate different diseases or disorders, which can evoke in various generations.
Furthermore
, there are a lot of diseases, which medicine is not able to diagnose before studying the family medical history.
As a result
, if
such
 health issues arise,
people
 could cope with them earlier and prevent their future improvement as it is in the case of cancer, because they regularly visit doctors to identify it in the early phase if they are informed that even a person of their extended family members suffers from it. Admittedly, learning personal origin affects positively on
people
, as they gain data about their ancestors, which increases their knowledge about talents or diseases, which existed in their family trees.
Submitted by anushkh1989 on

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coherence cohesion
You need to ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Paragraphs should be well-organized with clear topic sentences that reflect the main idea. Establish clear links between your sentences and paragraphs to make the argument more cohesive.
task achievement
In order to fully meet the task requirements, you should aim to cover all parts of the prompt. Arguments need to be expanded upon, with a balanced discussion on both why people seek to learn about their family history and the implications of this trend, both positive and negative.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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