Some people think that introducing new technology can improve people's quality of life in the developing countries. Howevever, others believe that free education should be offered. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

I agree with the statement that introducing new
technology
can
people
’s quality of life in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing
countries
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
being educated in order for
this
new
technology
to arise without exploitation or any corruption towards the
people
in these developing
countries
. They are
both
very important points, but in my opinion, one leads to the other. There
has been has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
been obvious findings that
technology
has improved
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
development.
For example
in the USA, the development of
technology
there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has made the
countries
Change noun form
country's
show examples
economy and socioeconomic status rise over the
last
decade. Regarding the start of Apple, Tesla, all the social media apps, etc.
This
has spread across a series of
countries
making them develop. New technological advances can help develop the health care system which is very important to many
people
as it allows for new research to be brought about, decreasing various diseases and all sorts of medical challenges that the health care providers face.
On the other hand
, free
education
could be very crucial and beneficial to
people
. Especially in the developing
countries
. Free
education
can break the horrible cycle of poverty because there will be multiple opportunities for
people
to show their intelligence, and it won’t matter what their socioeconomic background is.
However
, there are challenges for
both
free
education
and enhancing
technology
.
Technology
already has
it’s
Replace the word
its
show examples
problems with
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
of jobs and many
people
don’t have the technical skills for them. Free
education
can be a problem when it comes to money because many
countries
don’t have a big budget for funding teachers and everything. In conclusion,
both
approaches are very good and in my opinion, I think combining
both
approaches would be very smart.
Technology
would be very good to enhance educational experiences,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
free
education
will make sure that everyone has the opportunity to benefit from the advancement of the new
technology
, regardless of their financial situation.
Submitted by tshenkengm on

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Task Response
Your introduction should more clearly paraphrase the question and present a clear thesis statement outlining the structure of your essay.
Task Response
Develop both sides of the argument with clear, specific examples to support your points before giving your own opinion.
Task Response
Ensure that you give a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument before introducing your own perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
You need to use a range of cohesive devices (linking words) effectively to help with the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your ideas into clear paragraphs with clear topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on the clarity of your main points, making sure each is developed with relevant explanation and detail.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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