IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that introducing new technology can improve people's quality of life in the developing countries. Howevever, others believe that free education should be offered. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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I agree with the statement that introducing new
technology
Use synonyms
 can
people
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’s quality of life in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing
countries
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.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 being educated in order for
this
Linking Words
 new
technology
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 to arise without exploitation or any corruption towards the
people
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 in these developing
countries
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. They are
both
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 very important points, but in my opinion, one leads to the other. There
has been has
Wrong verb form
have
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 been obvious findings that
technology
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 has improved
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countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
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 development.
For example
Linking Words
 in the USA, the development of
technology
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there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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has made the
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countries
Change noun form
country's
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 economy and socioeconomic status rise over the
last
Linking Words
 decade. Regarding the start of Apple, Tesla, all the social media apps, etc.
This
Linking Words
 has spread across a series of
countries
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 making them develop. New technological advances can help develop the health care system which is very important to many
people
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 as it allows for new research to be brought about, decreasing various diseases and all sorts of medical challenges that the health care providers face.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, free
education
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 could be very crucial and beneficial to
people
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. Especially in the developing
countries
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. Free
education
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 can break the horrible cycle of poverty because there will be multiple opportunities for
people
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 to show their intelligence, and it won’t matter what their socioeconomic background is.
However
Linking Words
, there are challenges for
both
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 free
education
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 and enhancing
technology
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.
Technology
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 already has
it’s
Replace the word
its
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 problems with
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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 of jobs and many
people
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 don’t have the technical skills for them. Free
education
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 can be a problem when it comes to money because many
countries
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 don’t have a big budget for funding teachers and everything. In conclusion,
both
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 approaches are very good and in my opinion, I think combining
both
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 approaches would be very smart.
Technology
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 would be very good to enhance educational experiences,
meanwhile
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meanwhile,
show examples
 free
education
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 will make sure that everyone has the opportunity to benefit from the advancement of the new
technology
Use synonyms
, regardless of their financial situation.

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Task Response
Your introduction should more clearly paraphrase the question and present a clear thesis statement outlining the structure of your essay.
Task Response
Develop both sides of the argument with clear, specific examples to support your points before giving your own opinion.
Task Response
Ensure that you give a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument before introducing your own perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
You need to use a range of cohesive devices (linking words) effectively to help with the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your ideas into clear paragraphs with clear topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on the clarity of your main points, making sure each is developed with relevant explanation and detail.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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