IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that all popular TV entertainment programmes should aim to educate viewers about important social issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #tv #entertainment #programmes #aim #viewers
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Nowadays,
TV
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programs
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 have played an important role in our
society
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. A part of the population has the opinion that famous
TV
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 leisure
programs
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 should be to educate
people
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 about important social problems. I totally agree with
this
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 statement, which will be described in the following paragraph before the conclusion is reached.
Firstly
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,
TV
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programs
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 are one of the most popular parts of social media and
people
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 spend more time in front of the
TV
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. Program teams, which produce the content for
TV
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 shows should be responsible and aim to make
programs
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 more useful and share good content with viewers.
For example
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, if we see the statistics,
people
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 spend 2 hours watching
TV
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 every day and one of the most popular channels is Netflix, which has a lot of good
TV
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programs
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 for the audience.
As a result
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, viewers understand essential information better through entertainment
TV
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programmes
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.
Secondly
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, educating
people
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 about the social issues with
TV
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programmes
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 has a beneficial effect on
society
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's psychology.
Moreover
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, it is
also
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 a way for citizens to protect themselves.
For example
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, if the channels produced
TV
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programs
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 about emergency situations or social communication it would be useful for many
people
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, especially teenagers.
As a result
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, viewers can use it in their real life.
To conclude
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, some
people
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 say that the
TV
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 leisure
programmes
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 should aim to educate
society
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 about main social problems and in my opinion it is a good statement. I believe that as one of the most popular kinds of media,
TV
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programmes
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 are most important for our
society
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 and they will be more responsible and share good content.
Submitted by janmuldayevaa1 on

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task achievement
Expand your main points and provide more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your argument. This will enhance your task response and the relevance of the specific examples you provide.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly from one to the next to improve logical structure, and consider using more varied linking phrases.
general
Review the essay for minor grammatical and lexical errors to avoid small inaccuracies that can slightly affect clarity and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well.
task achievement
The essay remains focused on the topic and presents a complete response to the question.
coherence cohesion
Logical progression of ideas, with each paragraph supporting the overall argument.
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