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Band 6

Some museums and art galleries charge admission fees, while others have free entry. Do you think the advantages of free admission outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #art #galleries #charge #admission #fees #entry
Museums
 and art galleries are
places
 of education and entertainment. Some of them allow free entry to visitors,
while
 others charge an entry fee. I believe that the benefits of providing visitors with free entrance tickets to
such
places
 surpass its disadvantages. The main benefit of free admission to
museums
 is that more people may visit these
places
.
This
 is because it makes it affordable for most people, especially
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those who are not willing to spend their money on museum tickets and believe that it is a waste. Not having to pay for the ticket, more and more tourists and local people may tend to visit, leading to the increasing importance of the
museums
.
This
 may
also
 bring many tourists to the city/town
due to
 the popularity of the museum and
hence
, benefits the
overall
 economy of that place.
Furthermore
, allowing free access to
museums
 may
also
 lead to encouraging many schools to bring
students
 for educational purposes.
This
 is because
students
 do not have to pay any fee for the entry. Being able to exhibit local
museums
,
students
 will be able to learn a lot about a variety of subjects. Take
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, scientific
museums
 display a large number of models which can play a key role in demonstrating and explaining a concept to
students
.
Subsequently
,
this
 encourages
students
 to engage in science and enhance their understanding of science concepts which may
further
 motivate them to become future scientists.
However
, a drawback is that it is harder for the government to maintain the
museums
 without any admission fee. Many museum keepers are already facing challenges to run the
museums
 and keep them updated.
In contrast
, I believe that citizens pay a huge amount of tax which should include the care and maintenance of
such
 properties. In conclusion, I believe that the educational advantages
due to
 the free access to these
places
surpasses
Correct subject-verb agreement
surpass
show examples
 the difficulty of maintaining them on public tax money that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 receives.
Submitted by miranda.urmi on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure ideas flow logically from one paragraph to the next, utilizing cohesive devices effectively. Show clear relationships between ideas without over-reliance on conjunctions.
coherence cohesion
In your introduction, aim for a stronger thesis statement that explicitly outlines the main points to be discussed. The conclusion should restate your position and provide a summary of the key points without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
Expand on your main points by offering more detailed examples and evidence. This can involve citing specific museums, studies, or other sources that can substantiate your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that every paragraph advances the overall argument by staying focused on the prompt. Devote each paragraph to asserting and explaining a single advantage or disadvantage related to the question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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