The role of education is to prepare children for modern world.Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculam so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?
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Some believe that the essential role of education is to make children ready for the modern
world
, so it is not necessary to provide them with art
and music
classes
ınstead they should focus on contemporary subjects. I do not agree with the statement that we should cut out music
and art
to better prepare for the modern world
and give more attention to classes
such
as information technology. This
essay will explore several reasons for this
matter.
Firstly
, art
and music
are crucial lessons that must taken into account properly . These lectures have a significant impact on personality development; therefore
, it is essential to provide art
and music
to everyone to some degree. Due to
the fact that by engaging with art
and music
we may find our aesthetic aspect , and relieve the stress from the modern world
, it has a profound impact on our behaviour that shapes our personality. For example
, when a person studies art
he or she will find new sides about himself that may affect his character and way of behaviour. Thus
, instead
of only focusing on modern classes
, art
and music
lessons should also
considered valuable , and should not be removed from the school
curriculum.
Besides
that , another significant benefit of art
and music
is that they have the potential to increase creativity in individuals. By putting effort into creating new paintings or new musical compositions students
will elevate their creativity ,which is highly important for their further
education. For instance
, making sculptures has had paramount effects on me,such
as making me more creative when I was in high school
. Likewise
, every school
should encourage students
to make art
or music
.
In conclusion, although
some people say that students
should only put effort into modern world
classes
such
as information technology, and remove art
and music
classes
from the school
curriculum, I strongly believe that art
and music
could have many advantages for students
. Hence
, enhancing personality through art
and music
is a considerable fact that should not denied. More importantly, boosting creativity by engaging with art
and music
is vital for students
' future.Submitted by Yasar Khan on
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task achievement
Ensure the thesis statement in the introduction clearly outlines your stance and main points. Although your stance is clear, summarizing the arguments briefly would provide better clarity for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the coherence of your essay by using transitional phrases more effectively to link your ideas. This will help create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Proofread your essay to minimize grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. Errors such as 'lectures' instead of 'subjects,' 'fact that by' instead of 'fact that, by,' and 'classes should also considered valuable' instead of 'classes should also be considered valuable' detract from the overall quality.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument and stance, which is maintained throughout. This demonstrates a strong position on the topic and aids in achieving a cohesive argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reaffirms your stance, providing a clear and strong ending to your essay.