The role of education is to prepare children for modern world.Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculam so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

Some believe that the essential role of education is to make children ready for the modern
world
, so it is not necessary to provide them with
art
and
music
classes
ınstead they should focus on contemporary subjects. I do not agree with the statement that we should cut out
music
and
art
to better prepare for the modern
world
and give more attention to
classes
such
as information technology.
This
essay will explore several reasons for
this
matter.
Firstly
,
art
and
music
are crucial lessons that must taken into account properly . These lectures have a significant impact on personality development;
therefore
, it is essential to provide
art
and
music
to everyone to some degree.
Due to
the fact that by engaging with
art
and
music
we may find our aesthetic aspect , and relieve the stress from the modern
world
, it has a profound impact on our behaviour that shapes our personality.
For example
, when a person studies
art
he or she will find new sides about himself that may affect his character and way of behaviour.
Thus
,
instead
of only focusing on modern
classes
,
art
and
music
lessons should
also
considered valuable , and should not be removed from the
school
curriculum.
Besides
that , another significant benefit of
art
and
music
is that they have the potential to increase creativity in individuals. By putting effort into creating new paintings or new musical compositions
students
will elevate their creativity ,which is highly important for their
further
education.
For instance
, making sculptures has had paramount effects on me,
such
as making me more creative when I was in high
school
.
Likewise
, every
school
should encourage
students
to make
art
or
music
. In conclusion,
although
some people say that
students
should only put effort into modern
world
classes
such
as information technology, and remove
art
and
music
classes
from the
school
curriculum, I strongly believe that
art
and
music
could have many advantages for
students
.
Hence
, enhancing personality through
art
and
music
is a considerable fact that should not denied. More importantly, boosting creativity by engaging with
art
and
music
is vital for
students
' future.
Submitted by Yasar Khan on

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task achievement
Ensure the thesis statement in the introduction clearly outlines your stance and main points. Although your stance is clear, summarizing the arguments briefly would provide better clarity for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the coherence of your essay by using transitional phrases more effectively to link your ideas. This will help create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Proofread your essay to minimize grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. Errors such as 'lectures' instead of 'subjects,' 'fact that by' instead of 'fact that, by,' and 'classes should also considered valuable' instead of 'classes should also be considered valuable' detract from the overall quality.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument and stance, which is maintained throughout. This demonstrates a strong position on the topic and aids in achieving a cohesive argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reaffirms your stance, providing a clear and strong ending to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Diverse curriculum
  • Well-rounded development
  • Modern job market
  • Information technology
  • Fostering creativity
  • Critical thinking
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Cultural literacy
  • Adaptability
  • STEM subjects
  • Innovative thinkers
  • Customized education
  • Artistic expression
  • Cognitive skills
  • Career paths
  • Multifaceted learning
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