The role of education is to prepare children for modern world.Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculam so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

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Some believe that the essential role of education is to make children ready for the modern

world

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, so it is not necessary to provide them with

art

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and

music

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classes

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ınstead they should focus on contemporary subjects. I do not agree with the statement that we should cut out

music

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and

art

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to better prepare for the modern

world

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and give more attention to

classes

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such

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as information technology.

This

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essay will explore several reasons for

this

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matter.

Firstly

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art

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and

music

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are crucial lessons that must taken into account properly . These lectures have a significant impact on personality development;

therefore

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, it is essential to provide

art

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and

music

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to everyone to some degree.

Due to

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the fact that by engaging with

art

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and

music

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we may find our aesthetic aspect , and relieve the stress from the modern

world

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, it has a profound impact on our behaviour that shapes our personality.

For example

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, when a person studies

art

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he or she will find new sides about himself that may affect his character and way of behaviour.

Thus

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instead

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of only focusing on modern

classes

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art

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and

music

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lessons should

also

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considered valuable , and should not be removed from the

school

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curriculum.

Besides

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that , another significant benefit of

art

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and

music

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is that they have the potential to increase creativity in individuals. By putting effort into creating new paintings or new musical compositions

students

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will elevate their creativity ,which is highly important for their

further

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education.

For instance

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, making sculptures has had paramount effects on me,

such

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as making me more creative when I was in high

school

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Likewise

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, every

school

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should encourage

students

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to make

art

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music

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. In conclusion,

although

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some people say that

students

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should only put effort into modern

world

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classes

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such

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as information technology, and remove

art

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and

music

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classes

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from the

school

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curriculum, I strongly believe that

art

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and

music

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could have many advantages for

students

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Hence

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, enhancing personality through

art

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and

music

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is a considerable fact that should not denied. More importantly, boosting creativity by engaging with

art

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and

music

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is vital for

students

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' future.

Yasar KhanTue Jul 09 2024

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task achievement

Ensure the thesis statement in the introduction clearly outlines your stance and main points. Although your stance is clear, summarizing the arguments briefly would provide better clarity for the reader.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the coherence of your essay by using transitional phrases more effectively to link your ideas. This will help create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.

task achievement

Proofread your essay to minimize grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. Errors such as 'lectures' instead of 'subjects,' 'fact that by' instead of 'fact that, by,' and 'classes should also considered valuable' instead of 'classes should also be considered valuable' detract from the overall quality.

task achievement

Your essay presents a clear argument and stance, which is maintained throughout. This demonstrates a strong position on the topic and aids in achieving a cohesive argument.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reaffirms your stance, providing a clear and strong ending to your essay.

15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

355 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Diverse curriculum
Well-rounded development
Modern job market
Information technology
Fostering creativity
Critical thinking
Emotional intelligence
Cultural literacy
Adaptability
STEM subjects
Innovative thinkers
Customized education
Artistic expression
Cognitive skills
Career paths
Multifaceted learning

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The role of education is to prepare children for modern world.Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculam so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

Nowadays, a lot of people use their credit card for online shopping. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the education of teenagers while others argue the effect is negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadayys, a growing number of people with heatlh problems are trying an alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. You have lost your student identification card. This has created some problems for you. Write a letter to the director of student services. In your letter advise them of your situation explain how this is affecting you request a new card

Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends. Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do? Or do you feel children have enough education at school?