It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some
curriculum
must be included in the process of learning Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
history
to ensure that students build expertise. The debate is separated into two parts: the value of local history
and the importance of global history
. In my perspective, I strongly disagree with this
assertion because both have equal qualities, as this
essay will demonstrate in detail based on previous experience.
Learning local history
teaches pupils about the best strategies utilized by their founders to rule nations with state systems and become developed countries. Students must understand this
subject because, in the future, every nation will confront unclear issues, and the decisions made by their founders may be used to solve such
problems. In Indonesia, for example
, state systems shifted from the colonial era to the new order era. Indonesia now has a stable system and is a democratic country
. As a result
, kids must understand about
prior Change preposition
apply
history
because they will be decision-makers for their countries.
Learning international history
, on the other hand
, has a tremendous impact on pupils in the midst of the globalization era. The student will understand that certain nations enter into bilateral or multilateral agreements with other countries because no nation can become a developed country
without the assistance of other nations in terms of knowledge exchange in the economy, technology, education, health, and so on.
Finally
, the statement that learning both local and global history
is critical. While
this
topic will provide the student with the information to rule the country
through policy, the student must also
understand why the country
became a developed country
in order to strengthen their abilities as decision-makers in the midst of globalization.Submitted by 2024successielts on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay indicates some degree of logical structure but lacks clear, seamless transitions between paragraphs. Connective words could be utilized more effectively to guide the reader through the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. A thesis statement clearly outlining your stance would enhance the introduction, while a summary of main points and a restatement of your thesis would improve the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, yet the examples and explanations provided are somewhat generic. Integrating more specific and varied evidence would bolster your arguments. Doing so would add depth and clarity, allowing the reader to better understand and be persuaded by your viewpoint.
task achievement
You have addressed most parts of the task, providing an opinion and discussing both local and global history. However, consider elaborating upon your stance further while addressing the extent to which you agree or disagree, as the prompt requests.
task achievement
The ideas in the essay are fairly clear and comprehensive, but they need to be developed further with more precision and depth. More complex sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary could enhance the expression of these ideas.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples is noted but limited. Providing more specific and detailed examples from a variety of contexts would serve to enhance your argument's relevance and impact.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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