Some people say that the experiences a child has before starting school have the most influence on their future life. Others say that experiences as a teenager, especially at school, are more influential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion? You should write at least 250 words.
It is sometimes said that what a child has experienced before the start of school has more impact on their
future
life, while
other people believe that the exposure a child has during their teenage years, particularly at school, is more influential. In my opinion, each stage in a child's life, from infancy to being a teenager plays an equal role in shaping how their lives will turn out in the future
. However
, children hardly remember most things
that occur during their childhood
in comparison to teens who are fully aware, while
having a high chance of being influenced by the actions of others.
To start with, infants can barely recall what their childhood
was like. Most people would agree that most of the things
their parents did for them during childhood
could hardly be remembered. This
could be because of their innocence at this
age
, they spend most of their time playing and easily move on from one activity to the other, because of their short attention span. The lack of understanding is an additional reason, causing most of them to forget because they could not understand what was happening initially
. For instance
, most children who were adopted at a young age
were unaware they were of their adoption until they were informed by their parents, they assumed they were the biological children of their current family. Hence
, this
proves that most at this
age
events can barely have an effect in adulthood.
On the other hand
, Teenagers can understand most situations and can be easily influenced. At this
time in their life, they are able to question and fully grasp most things
, in addition
to the fact that they can fully recall most events that happen to them eventually in their adulthood. Therefore
, any negative or positive occurrence will have a lasting effect on them. Furthermore
, they can still be shaped to have a certain behaviour, which is why the group of friends they have can quickly have an effect on how they behave and could possibly determine their personality, which they would then
carry on in their adult years. This
goes to show that what happens in the teenage years could influence their future
.
In conclusion, infants cannot recall what happens during their childhood
, Conversely
, teenage people can remember things
that occurred in their lives and can easily be influenced by any decision they make during this
age
, which in turn can possibly shape how their lives would be in the future
.Submitted by suleezekielo on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Supported Main Points
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is expanded upon with adequate support. While the essay discusses both views, the support could be further developed with more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the impact of experiences at each life stage.
Introduction/Conclusion Present
Although the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be improved by clearly stating the main points that will be covered in the essay and summarizing them effectively in the conclusion. The concluding portion needs a stronger restatement of the thesis and a synthesis of the essay's key points.
Complete Response
You need to expand on your ideas more thoroughly to fully address the task. At present, the essay mentions both sides but lacks depth and exploration of how these experiences influence the future. The points mentioned need to be developed further with analysis and reflection to meet the task requirements completely.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Aim to present ideas more clearly and comprehensively. The essay tends to assert points without fully explaining or illustrating them. Clarification and development of ideas will help in achieving a higher score.
Relevant Specific Examples
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your points. Using personal anecdotes or citing sources can help illustrate your arguments and make them more convincing.
Logical Structure
The essay's structure is logical, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother to aid the reader's understanding. Consider using a variety of cohesive devices and topic sentences to guide the reader more effectively through your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example