some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money others argue that it is better to try and improve such situation discuss both views and give your own opinion.
A group of citizens think that
,
it is the best way to accept all bad aspects of our Remove the comma
apply
work
conditions
such
as unsatisfactory or insufficient salary, while
others believe that, it is beneficial to do our best to enhance our bad conditions
. I completely agree that we have to try to make our position more comfortable because it will improve all aspects of our lives
(mentally and physically).
To begin
with, as adults jobs have captured one out of a third of our adult life and we have to spend a significant time in those situations . If that area is unpleasant, the people who work
there,
will find the impacts of those hardships on their daily Remove the comma
apply
lives
because their minds and their bodies cannot heal themselves. For example
, an engineer who has responsibilities to introduce innovative items or to design a process, if this
person
does not have stable conditions
and managers do not support his work
, gradually he will be disappointed and in the long term, he will find himself as a person
who struggles with depression because his jobs have been ignored . Additionally
, we are human and to go through our lives
we need to feel the state of well-being in our life , if we miss it we cannot find ourselves as an effective person
and we will lose our value in our minds and at the end
we can feel isolated from the society.
On the other hand
, difficulties are part of our occupations and it is essential to endure them, therefore
, companies pay us to go through these occurrences. However
, it is not right to accept all features and name those times as hard tasks, moreover
, our existence time is limited and an individual is not able to live more than a century so what is the point of accepting all consequences? I believe we have to try to boost our surroundings and find a place where we feel comfortable and we can consider ourselves as a valuable person
.
In conclusion, A group of the population believe that it is convenient to be accepted for all the difficulties that a job might have ,such
as lack of money or unsatisfactory and others believe in the opposite way. However
, in my opinion, it is wrong that an adult avoids trying his/her best to improve his/her emotional and work
states because I think we have limited time on this
planet so it is the beneficial way that goes through our lives
in the best conditions
that can happen.Submitted by soroushnorouzi0478 on
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Sentence Clarity
Try to improve the clarity of your sentences by avoiding overly long sentences. Short, clear sentences can make your arguments more understandable.
Cohesion
Remember to use a variety of transition phrases to smoothly connect ideas and paragraphs. This helps in better expressing the flow of your argument.
Examples
Including more specific, real-life examples could further strengthen your argument by providing concrete evidence to support your viewpoints.
Grammar and Accuracy
Watch out for small grammatical errors and typos that might distract from your overall message.
Task Response
The essay presents a clear opinion and discusses both views logically.
Structure
Introduction and conclusion are well-defined, providing a good structure to your essay.
Organization
You made good use of paragraphs to organize your ideas, enhancing the overall readability of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.