Mast people agree that money cannot bring happiness. Why is happiness is difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness.
A high number of individuals believe that money cannot bring
happiness
. In my opinion, people
have different views about happiness
because they come from different cultures, and I believe that happiness
can be found through job
satisfaction and great health
.
Firstly
, many people
have different ideas about happiness
because they come from different cultures. For example
, in the Middle East, people
feel happy when they have many children. Therefore
, it is common to see that many young adults choose to get married once they have gotten a job
. On the other hand
, in Western cultures, people
find happiness
based on their income. The higher their income, the happier they are.
One way of finding happiness
is to have a job
that people
enjoy doing. In other words
, some people
feel happy with their work even if they do not get a high income because they can help others with their skills. For instance
, many doctors who work in countries that have wars sometimes do not even earn a lot of money, but they still feel happy about it because they can save many lives.
Another way to find happiness
is to have good health
. That is
to say, if people
are not healthy, they cannot do many things, even if they have a lot of money in the bank. To illustrate, when a millionaire suffers from heart disease, he cannot do many things, namely travel around the world or eat whatever food he wants, because this
will make him more sick. In this
case, he can only be happy when he is in good health
.
To sum up
, everyone has different views about happiness
because they come from different environments, but I personally feel that people
will be happy when they have a perfect job
and good health
.Submitted by s_syedy on
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task achievement
To further improve your essay, try to expand on your examples by providing more depth or additional examples to strengthen your argument. While the provided examples are relevant, more detailed examples could offer a stronger support to your claims.
coherence and cohesion
It would be beneficial to vary your transition words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay. While the current transitions help in maintaining the essay's coherence, a greater variety can elevate the quality of your writing.
language
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logical structure
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, clearly stating your opinion and summarizing key points.
coherence
Your essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion with a well-organized structure and clear paragraphing that logically connects ideas.
specific examples
The essay provides relevant examples to support the arguments made, effectively answering the essay question.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?