New Technologies change the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages of these changes outweigh the disadvantages?
It is quite obvious that our technology has been involved in individuals' lives,
hence
, this
generation of kids has used technology since their elementary education. This
can have both negative and positive impacts on our children. I opine that it depends on personal use.
On the one hand, the high innovation gives us a lot of convenience. Nowadays, most of education bring technology to improve their course. For instance
, this
generation can study from anywhere in this
entire world by learning from online courses. Furthermore
, if individuals desire to be enlightened about something that they don't understand they can use Google or other applications to discover things that they desire, therefore
, this
can make it not only more convenient to discover interesting topics but also
decrease our time to find the answer.
On the other hand
, overload can make an important contribution to causing us unhealthy. For instance
, eye issues can be caused by overload used, therefore
, the most appropriate solution is to limit hours of use. Furthermore
, the population should not ignore social skills, especially since this
period is the most important time to learn to make friend with others and study every skill that can adapt in their future life.
To conclude
, parents find it extremely difficult to distract their children from their smartphones. Not only the authorities and the health organizations should take a serious in this
issue but also
a parent should give their free time to stay with their son and pay attention to them because they are our country's future.Submitted by amittawin on
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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction briefly addresses the topic, but a clearer thesis statement is needed to explicitly state whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The conclusion is present, yet it can be improved by directly summarizing the discussed points and your stance on the issue.
logical structure
There is a logical flow in the essay, but transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be clearer. Use cohesive devices to strengthen the connection between ideas.
supported main points
While you have provided some examples, they are somewhat generic. Incorporate more detailed and specific examples to support your main points.
complete response
Make sure to provide a complete response to the question by addressing both sides of the argument. Ensure that the advantages and disadvantages are thoroughly evaluated and weighed to determine if one truly outweighs the other.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are relevant, but try to develop them more comprehensively. Expand on your points by providing additional explanations, examples, and reasoned arguments.
relevant specific examples
Use relevant examples to clarify and support your points, but they should be specific and directly related to the topic to effectively strengthen your argument.