IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news event. Do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantage?

#people #media #touch #news #event #technology
Many
people
 use them to communicate with other
people
 and follow the news. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
this
 approach and give my opinion
at the end
. On the one hand, social
media
 allows us to keep in touch with anyone all over the world. You could talk with
people
 from other countries and regions and even find a new friend. It gives us an opportunity to learn about cultures and languages from the native speaker.
Moreover
, nowadays we talk with friends much more
due to
 social
media
 than before, without them, we can'
t
 really meet every day.
On the other hand
, there are significant disadvantages of social
media
.
Firstly
,
people
 talk less in real life. The consequences of
this
 are
people
 feeling lonely and becoming more sociopathic. They prefer to spend time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the Internet with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
virtual
people
instead
 of real life. It might seem
such
 an equal way of conversation but that doesn'
t
 really so.
People
 don'
t
 understand emotions through
this
 way of communication.
Also
, some
people
 become dependent on the spread of information. They are every moment checking their phones or computers waiting for news or new messages. It's a horrible situation and, in
this
 case,
such
people
 are needed for external support. In conclusion, I want to say that the advantages of
this
 technology outweigh the disadvantages as it's an incredible opportunity that significantly changed our world for the better side. But we shouldn'
t
 forget about the threats from the Internet and don'
t
 fully fall into social
media
.
Submitted by andreidiakov2100 on

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task achievement
The essay responds fairly well to the task, covering both advantages and disadvantages of social media. To improve further, ensure that each point is more developed and supported by specific examples or evidence.
task achievement
To make your argument more compelling, avoid vague language and strive for more precision. For instance, instead of saying 'some people become dependent on the spread of information,' you could specify which segment of the population is more vulnerable to this behavior.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use a variety of cohesive devices and discourse markers to link your ideas more smoothly. For instance, instead of repetitively using 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand,' you could use phrases like 'Additionally,' 'Furthermore,' or 'Conversely.'
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are effective in framing the discussion and presenting your opinion clearly.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured with separate paragraphs that tackle the advantages and disadvantages, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • real-time updates
  • global connectivity
  • professional networking
  • fake news
  • misinformation
  • social media addiction
  • mental health issues
  • privacy concerns
  • personal information
  • viral content
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