IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write IELTS essay with at least 250 words with the topic "In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations."

#ielts #topic #world #life #expectancy #individuals #society #measures #impact #populations
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Many developed countries are experiencing a substantial
increase
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 in life expectancy.
This
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 essay will discuss some problems caused by
this
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 issue and suggest several possible approaches to reduce the adverse effects resulting from an
aging
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ageing
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 population. One of the major challenges of the growing population of elderly
people
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 is that it puts a heavy burden on the healthcare system. Older
people
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 are more vulnerable to chronic diseases,
such
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 as heart attacks or strokes, which require special medical treatments to be effectively treated. The
government
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 might have to allocate a large budget to healthcare in order to serve the growing demands of an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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 population. Another problem facing a country with increasing life expectancy is that there will be an
increase
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 in the proportion of retired
people
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 claiming pension benefits
,
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apply
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 and a decline in the percentage of
people
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 of working age who pay income taxes. The combination of higher pension funds and lower tax revenues can significantly affect
government
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 spending and the national economy as a whole. Confronting the aforementioned issues, the
government
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 could take some measures to deal with them. The first solution would be to enforce the involvement of the private sector in providing healthcare and pensions.
For instance
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, a number of entrepreneurs in Malaysia and Singapore have emphasized
a
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the
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 great importance
on
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of
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 health care and pensions for the elderly, which remarkably releases the financial burden from the
government
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. Another measure would be to encourage the immigration of young working adults, which could help
increase
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 tax revenues for the
government
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. In fact,
according to
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 a recent statistical report, Australia is one of the leading countries with
the
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apply
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high tax revenues gained by the contribution of immigrants. In conclusion, a significant
increase
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 in the average life expectancy of many developed countries can cause many problems regarding the burden of
health care
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healthcare
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service
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services
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 and pension funds.
However
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, they can be tackled by the involvement of
private
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the private
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sectors
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sector
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 and the encouragement of immigration.
Submitted by namnguyen3092 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presented the issues clearly but lacks thorough development of ideas. Each point is mentioned but not fully explained; sometimes examples or explanations are needed to make the arguments more persuasive and complete. To improve, the essay should expand on each point with detailed explanation and relevant examples. Additionally, the structure of the essay requires strengthening to ensure that the flow of information aids understanding.
Task Achievement
The response partially addresses the prompt, but requires a more detailed discussion of the problems caused by increasing life expectancy and more elaboration on the suggested measures. A balanced approach to both aspects of the task can demonstrate a full understanding of the topic. Provide more specific examples that align with the points discussed. To enhance the essay, ensure that all parts of the prompt are fully addressed with a comprehensive conclusion that summarizes the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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